Day 32
Tuesday, July 24th 2012
This morning there was no running. instead we did this crazy hard workout, which I confess my participation level was probably 35% at best. but even with 35% participation level my thighs were burning.
one of the guys during morning exercise tore a ligament and had to go to the hospital. as I praying for him on my own (I didn't have the guts to pray for him directly) it really got me thinking about how powerless I felt. it's like we're supposed to the salt and light of this world. we're the ones who's supposed to go out and heal and raise people from the dead. we talk about how great God is, all the things He can do. etc...and yet we trust physicians and medicine more than we trust God's power and His love for us.
But I had a lot of peace. I remember a couple months ago I surrendered this thought to God. I admitted that I honestly don't believe. not that He can do it. I know He can, I don't deny any of the testimonies that I've heard. I just don't believe that He will. that He will do it for me, for someone I know.
I also realized that though signs, miracles, and wonders are great. Having a proven character is even more important. John the Baptist never did a miracle, yet Jesus considered him to have been the greatest man born of a woman. But at the same time I asked God, how do we expect to demonstrate that He is all-powerful and that the gospel is true without the backing of the Holy Spirit. why is it that the church today looks so different from the church in the book of Acts. even though technically we are all one.
I guess right now I need to keep seeking yet have patience. I'm sure when the time comes, God will reveal more. I thank Him for all the times that He has demonstrated His power and love, and for the times that He didn't I thank Him even more that I learned to love Him for who He is and not for what He can do for me.
Actually, He gave His one and only Son for me, so He doesn't need to do anything else. He could be completely justified in never answering a single prayer, but He lavishes His love and provisions on me.
yayyyyyyyyyy ^_______^ I'm the luckiest girl in the world. (or I should say. my life is a testimony of God's grace)
Dr. Os spoke again today. eh hehehe...he's so smart that if you don't pay attention for even one second, you'll get lost. I tried to pay attention, but I was really focused on my eagle drawing.
but I did get a lot of good quotes. mmm most notably.
"we should be in the world, but not of the world"
let that sink in....like slow sand.
I've been filled with so much joy lately still. I would think by now it would wear off or something. but it's here to stay! perhaps it has something to do with worship. these days I've really been delighting in worship. I skipped breakfast today cause I wanted to pray and worship. but God had by back. my friend Sarah gave me a bagel with cream cheese (my favorite! and I didn't even have to ask) and she also gave me soymilk (AHHHHH! I love soymilk ^___^).
and so many ridiculous moments today. during dinner my family group girls were being so hilarious. we were just cracking up like hyenas over the smallest things. one scenario: I was carefully holding a cup of hot tea (I drink tea now that I'm not allowed to eat dessert except on Fridays) and then I said something to Nara. and by instinct she smacked my arm. which made me spill tea everywhere and scream really loudly in the cafeteria.
crazy thing is that I screamed again during WORSHIP SERVICE -.- ahhh.......so humiliating.
I was all into the worship song (I usually sing so blahhh during worship but these days I'm loving it) so I was really into it and then the guy next to me. actually he wasn't even sitting close by. like literally we were sitting on opposite ends of the pew. but this guy like a ninja swooshes next to me and says something to me.
imagine this scenario. I'm worshiping arms raised, eyes closed. there's no one around me. and then all the sudden I hear a voice in my right ear. and then I look over and there is THIS FACE right next to my face.
and I scream so loudly. that almost everyone in front of me turns around and stares. and sees me hyperventilating...
ohmaigat....just want to crawl under my seat and disappear.
eh. but I got over it by the next song.
I vowed to pay attention to the next lecture, but I ended up doing a masterpiece doodle.
good quotes that caught my listening brain waves
"The Christian faith is unique in being world affirming and world denying at the same time."
"Church always goes forward by going back first" (back to the gospel)
"Success is the greatest danger and carries the seeds for failure"
things to chew on.
we ended the day with a great discussion session by our new leader Wuen. where none of us understood the lectures except the very intelligent Grace. so she explained everything to us.
Wuen and I were talking about leadership afterwards. And this is what I learned from my two weeks.
A quote from P.Kenny "I don't care whether you like me or not. I will love you"
as leaders we really can't try to please people or care too much what they think about us. our jobs are to serve them and love them. in addition I learned to have confidence in the skills that God has given me and honestly to just be myself and enjoy what I'm doing.
even with my relationship with God it took me the longest time to be myself with Him. as if I had to talk to Him in this holy spiritual language. and He could only hear and see me when I was praying or in church but He couldn't see the way I acted when I was hanging out with my friends.
of course there are things about myself that need to be pulled out and things that I need to shape. but there are things that make me delightfully me. I'm really funny I hear. and I hope so cause maybe God created me so that He could smile and laugh once in awhile. it must be quite stressful at times being God.
which is why tonight we danced like senior citizens to "Dancing in the moonlight" until Cathy (staff) walked by and told us to get some sleep.
goodnight :]
This morning there was no running. instead we did this crazy hard workout, which I confess my participation level was probably 35% at best. but even with 35% participation level my thighs were burning.
one of the guys during morning exercise tore a ligament and had to go to the hospital. as I praying for him on my own (I didn't have the guts to pray for him directly) it really got me thinking about how powerless I felt. it's like we're supposed to the salt and light of this world. we're the ones who's supposed to go out and heal and raise people from the dead. we talk about how great God is, all the things He can do. etc...and yet we trust physicians and medicine more than we trust God's power and His love for us.
But I had a lot of peace. I remember a couple months ago I surrendered this thought to God. I admitted that I honestly don't believe. not that He can do it. I know He can, I don't deny any of the testimonies that I've heard. I just don't believe that He will. that He will do it for me, for someone I know.
I also realized that though signs, miracles, and wonders are great. Having a proven character is even more important. John the Baptist never did a miracle, yet Jesus considered him to have been the greatest man born of a woman. But at the same time I asked God, how do we expect to demonstrate that He is all-powerful and that the gospel is true without the backing of the Holy Spirit. why is it that the church today looks so different from the church in the book of Acts. even though technically we are all one.
I guess right now I need to keep seeking yet have patience. I'm sure when the time comes, God will reveal more. I thank Him for all the times that He has demonstrated His power and love, and for the times that He didn't I thank Him even more that I learned to love Him for who He is and not for what He can do for me.
Actually, He gave His one and only Son for me, so He doesn't need to do anything else. He could be completely justified in never answering a single prayer, but He lavishes His love and provisions on me.
yayyyyyyyyyy ^_______^ I'm the luckiest girl in the world. (or I should say. my life is a testimony of God's grace)
Dr. Os spoke again today. eh hehehe...he's so smart that if you don't pay attention for even one second, you'll get lost. I tried to pay attention, but I was really focused on my eagle drawing.
but I did get a lot of good quotes. mmm most notably.
"we should be in the world, but not of the world"
let that sink in....like slow sand.
I've been filled with so much joy lately still. I would think by now it would wear off or something. but it's here to stay! perhaps it has something to do with worship. these days I've really been delighting in worship. I skipped breakfast today cause I wanted to pray and worship. but God had by back. my friend Sarah gave me a bagel with cream cheese (my favorite! and I didn't even have to ask) and she also gave me soymilk (AHHHHH! I love soymilk ^___^).
and so many ridiculous moments today. during dinner my family group girls were being so hilarious. we were just cracking up like hyenas over the smallest things. one scenario: I was carefully holding a cup of hot tea (I drink tea now that I'm not allowed to eat dessert except on Fridays) and then I said something to Nara. and by instinct she smacked my arm. which made me spill tea everywhere and scream really loudly in the cafeteria.
crazy thing is that I screamed again during WORSHIP SERVICE -.- ahhh.......so humiliating.
I was all into the worship song (I usually sing so blahhh during worship but these days I'm loving it) so I was really into it and then the guy next to me. actually he wasn't even sitting close by. like literally we were sitting on opposite ends of the pew. but this guy like a ninja swooshes next to me and says something to me.
imagine this scenario. I'm worshiping arms raised, eyes closed. there's no one around me. and then all the sudden I hear a voice in my right ear. and then I look over and there is THIS FACE right next to my face.
and I scream so loudly. that almost everyone in front of me turns around and stares. and sees me hyperventilating...
ohmaigat....just want to crawl under my seat and disappear.
eh. but I got over it by the next song.
I vowed to pay attention to the next lecture, but I ended up doing a masterpiece doodle.
good quotes that caught my listening brain waves
"The Christian faith is unique in being world affirming and world denying at the same time."
"Church always goes forward by going back first" (back to the gospel)
"Success is the greatest danger and carries the seeds for failure"
things to chew on.
we ended the day with a great discussion session by our new leader Wuen. where none of us understood the lectures except the very intelligent Grace. so she explained everything to us.
Wuen and I were talking about leadership afterwards. And this is what I learned from my two weeks.
A quote from P.Kenny "I don't care whether you like me or not. I will love you"
as leaders we really can't try to please people or care too much what they think about us. our jobs are to serve them and love them. in addition I learned to have confidence in the skills that God has given me and honestly to just be myself and enjoy what I'm doing.
even with my relationship with God it took me the longest time to be myself with Him. as if I had to talk to Him in this holy spiritual language. and He could only hear and see me when I was praying or in church but He couldn't see the way I acted when I was hanging out with my friends.
of course there are things about myself that need to be pulled out and things that I need to shape. but there are things that make me delightfully me. I'm really funny I hear. and I hope so cause maybe God created me so that He could smile and laugh once in awhile. it must be quite stressful at times being God.
which is why tonight we danced like senior citizens to "Dancing in the moonlight" until Cathy (staff) walked by and told us to get some sleep.
goodnight :]
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