Day 10
Monday, July 2nd 2012
I was second to last in morning exercise running today. and basically last for all the other drills. It got me thinking. why am I so slow and out of shape? (I'm normal weight, "healthy")
And then I realized. aha it's cause I used to be a FFC (former fat child). weighed 106 pounds in fourth grade. so sad...I grew taller and look skinnier now, but still out of shape.
I've been joking around that the last will be first. but then as I was walking and talking with someone. he said something so simple and profound. "but the last must push themselves"
oh snap....so convicting. I have absolutely no motivation.
And it's not just with running, it's much deeper. See you never want to tell kids that they have potential, because then they never end up trying. or maybe it was just me. All my life, I never pushed myself to do anything. I never had to try. instead of developing my talents, gifts, intelligence. I only did enough to get by.
but I'm thankful that God is working on this area. I've learned not to focus on what He's not doing but be thankful instead for what He has already done and is doing. I have a long way to go but I know I'm growing.
LORD I am clay in your hands
Mold me, shape me, refine me
So I may shine for you
During devotion I was also thinking about hell. I love learning/reading about heaven, but I never want to think about hell. But I realized that hell is very necessary in order to be thankful of what God has saved us from. For us to never know the punishment for our sins. It's mind blowing. Everyday we wake up joyful. No matter how much the day may have "sucked" it's nothing compared to hell.
I have never prayed for a revelation of hell. but God knows what I can handle.
Today we begin the deep thinking of God and Apologetics. it's like brain exploding information.
My doodling skills have gone insane. to stay awake I write down key words and draw pictures next to them.
Find out today that we are going to have an exam at the end of the week. no probs. but it's not multiple choice. nooooooooo! I have been trained all my life for multiple choice. I can't do essay questions and short answers. ask if there are any consequences for failing (less than 70%) and yes there are. TT.TT
but anyways there is this really cool like whoaaaaaaaa video that was shared during the lecture. I shall share it. WATCH IT now or else! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zWKm-LZWm4
We were made to worship. AMEN
which is why I got my ukulele! ahahahaha it's so much fun.
After dinner we had the Apologetics section. the guy Professor John is from Canada. Oooooh Canada.
and I can't help but to giggle immaturely every time he says about, out, or house.
it must be so difficult to be an apologetic (someone who defends the Christian faith) cause there are so many skeptics (even among Christians!) and they ask such hard questions.
my dad told me his testimony recently. funny how I never asked after all these years of going to church with him. he used to be an atheist until his college years. he only went to church to play soccer and basketball. he hated religion, and when his friends tried to share the gospel with him, he would resist it.
but then one day he was having lunch with his friend. and even though his friends knew not to talk about anything related to God with him, this friend started sharing the gospel. and as usual my dad had all these questions, but before he even asked them, one by one his friend as he was speaking answered all the questions that were coming up in his mind. and so he knew that what his friend was saying was the truth.
he accepted Christ that day in his heart. and he received the Holy Spirit. and he said that for the first time when he stepped outside, he saw how beautiful the world was.
There is a time for persuasive words, there is a time for the power of the Holy Spirit, and there is a time for redeeming Love.
As I was reading Mark today I came across this verse. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.
whenever Jesus, the Truth, starts off a phrase with "I tell you the truth" pay extra attention. it's like super truth aha. So I stored it in my heart and asked God to reveal the meaning later. planned to go find children and study them when I go back to Maryland.
But God revealed some of it a few hours later, as people in the lecture were asking hard questions. I realized the more you think, the less you know. But the more you know, the less you think (doubt).
Love is not what we think
but what we know
and those who think are many
but those who know are few
In the midst of the discussion instead of my brain exploding, it's actually very calm and I have alot of peace. It's strange. before people even ask the questions, I already know exactly what they are going to ask. Questions about free will, morals, predestination, etc. But all those questions are basically asked because we question God's goodness. Why did God put the tree in the garden if He knew that we were going to eat it and sin? Why did God do this and that?
For all I know. If God wiped out every single person in this room. that would be completely justified because He is God. He is good. and there is no one, not even one, who is good but God.
This is what I know. God is good. All the time. God is love. and He loves me.
He is ruler over all things. He knows what He's doing. So I trust Him.
It's something that we must know. never doubt. as if it is the absolute truth and everything revolves around this truth.
and it's not like I'm brainwashed. I had times before when I questioned, but that was because I was never blasted by God's love. it's like once you are in His love, who cares? sometimes I don't want to know. little children never question their parents' love. they just know it. and they could never fully understand everything that their parents do, in the same way we cannot understand why God does certain things because it's beyond our understanding.
I claim wisdom. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. I don't want to know the answer to all things. but for the sake of the kingdom. I prayed that no question would be too difficult for God to answer through me. Just like the friend who answered all the questions in my dad's mind.
I'll end with a shout out to my secret angel (we're doing like this thing where we pull someone's name out of a hat and pray for them/encourage them) she wrote me this awesome note! I was so encouraged by it. This sister has a way with words! use it powerfully.
I've been praying for my person too. and today I asked for God to give me an opportunity to pray for her. and He answers what He wants to. I was honored to pray for her. She's an amazing woman of prayer and faith.
another sister made a difficult choice in order to fully devote her heart to God. please pray for her. for joy and peace. but it's crazy how God is really working our lives.
and I've been distracted alot lately, so please pray that I would keep my focus on God.
surrender = whoosh whoosh awesome things.
tomorrow is a new day. I can feel it in my grandma bones.
goodnight.
I was second to last in morning exercise running today. and basically last for all the other drills. It got me thinking. why am I so slow and out of shape? (I'm normal weight, "healthy")
And then I realized. aha it's cause I used to be a FFC (former fat child). weighed 106 pounds in fourth grade. so sad...I grew taller and look skinnier now, but still out of shape.
I've been joking around that the last will be first. but then as I was walking and talking with someone. he said something so simple and profound. "but the last must push themselves"
oh snap....so convicting. I have absolutely no motivation.
And it's not just with running, it's much deeper. See you never want to tell kids that they have potential, because then they never end up trying. or maybe it was just me. All my life, I never pushed myself to do anything. I never had to try. instead of developing my talents, gifts, intelligence. I only did enough to get by.
but I'm thankful that God is working on this area. I've learned not to focus on what He's not doing but be thankful instead for what He has already done and is doing. I have a long way to go but I know I'm growing.
LORD I am clay in your hands
Mold me, shape me, refine me
So I may shine for you
During devotion I was also thinking about hell. I love learning/reading about heaven, but I never want to think about hell. But I realized that hell is very necessary in order to be thankful of what God has saved us from. For us to never know the punishment for our sins. It's mind blowing. Everyday we wake up joyful. No matter how much the day may have "sucked" it's nothing compared to hell.
I have never prayed for a revelation of hell. but God knows what I can handle.
Today we begin the deep thinking of God and Apologetics. it's like brain exploding information.
My doodling skills have gone insane. to stay awake I write down key words and draw pictures next to them.
Find out today that we are going to have an exam at the end of the week. no probs. but it's not multiple choice. nooooooooo! I have been trained all my life for multiple choice. I can't do essay questions and short answers. ask if there are any consequences for failing (less than 70%) and yes there are. TT.TT
but anyways there is this really cool like whoaaaaaaaa video that was shared during the lecture. I shall share it. WATCH IT now or else! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zWKm-LZWm4
We were made to worship. AMEN
which is why I got my ukulele! ahahahaha it's so much fun.
After dinner we had the Apologetics section. the guy Professor John is from Canada. Oooooh Canada.
and I can't help but to giggle immaturely every time he says about, out, or house.
it must be so difficult to be an apologetic (someone who defends the Christian faith) cause there are so many skeptics (even among Christians!) and they ask such hard questions.
my dad told me his testimony recently. funny how I never asked after all these years of going to church with him. he used to be an atheist until his college years. he only went to church to play soccer and basketball. he hated religion, and when his friends tried to share the gospel with him, he would resist it.
but then one day he was having lunch with his friend. and even though his friends knew not to talk about anything related to God with him, this friend started sharing the gospel. and as usual my dad had all these questions, but before he even asked them, one by one his friend as he was speaking answered all the questions that were coming up in his mind. and so he knew that what his friend was saying was the truth.
he accepted Christ that day in his heart. and he received the Holy Spirit. and he said that for the first time when he stepped outside, he saw how beautiful the world was.
There is a time for persuasive words, there is a time for the power of the Holy Spirit, and there is a time for redeeming Love.
As I was reading Mark today I came across this verse. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.
whenever Jesus, the Truth, starts off a phrase with "I tell you the truth" pay extra attention. it's like super truth aha. So I stored it in my heart and asked God to reveal the meaning later. planned to go find children and study them when I go back to Maryland.
But God revealed some of it a few hours later, as people in the lecture were asking hard questions. I realized the more you think, the less you know. But the more you know, the less you think (doubt).
Love is not what we think
but what we know
and those who think are many
but those who know are few
In the midst of the discussion instead of my brain exploding, it's actually very calm and I have alot of peace. It's strange. before people even ask the questions, I already know exactly what they are going to ask. Questions about free will, morals, predestination, etc. But all those questions are basically asked because we question God's goodness. Why did God put the tree in the garden if He knew that we were going to eat it and sin? Why did God do this and that?
For all I know. If God wiped out every single person in this room. that would be completely justified because He is God. He is good. and there is no one, not even one, who is good but God.
This is what I know. God is good. All the time. God is love. and He loves me.
He is ruler over all things. He knows what He's doing. So I trust Him.
It's something that we must know. never doubt. as if it is the absolute truth and everything revolves around this truth.
and it's not like I'm brainwashed. I had times before when I questioned, but that was because I was never blasted by God's love. it's like once you are in His love, who cares? sometimes I don't want to know. little children never question their parents' love. they just know it. and they could never fully understand everything that their parents do, in the same way we cannot understand why God does certain things because it's beyond our understanding.
I claim wisdom. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. I don't want to know the answer to all things. but for the sake of the kingdom. I prayed that no question would be too difficult for God to answer through me. Just like the friend who answered all the questions in my dad's mind.
I'll end with a shout out to my secret angel (we're doing like this thing where we pull someone's name out of a hat and pray for them/encourage them) she wrote me this awesome note! I was so encouraged by it. This sister has a way with words! use it powerfully.
I've been praying for my person too. and today I asked for God to give me an opportunity to pray for her. and He answers what He wants to. I was honored to pray for her. She's an amazing woman of prayer and faith.
another sister made a difficult choice in order to fully devote her heart to God. please pray for her. for joy and peace. but it's crazy how God is really working our lives.
and I've been distracted alot lately, so please pray that I would keep my focus on God.
surrender = whoosh whoosh awesome things.
tomorrow is a new day. I can feel it in my grandma bones.
goodnight.
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