Day 40

Commencement

I am the queen of procrastination for a reason ^^"
HAHAHAHAHA three years later I am FINALLY writing the last post. so on day 40 I'm supposed to write about the last days of GLDI, such as the awesome talent show and the commencement. but now that's in my distant memory. I thought I would end this with an update of what has happened since then.

SO MUCH has happened...

Honestly, I can say that I am so so so glad that I went to GLDI and am a part of the network. I barely remember the material that I've learned and have gained like 15 pounds since then (obv not keeping up with the physical disciplines) but the relationships I've gained have been priceless. The reunions, official and unofficial, since the end of the 40 days have been amazing. I still talk to some of the people from GLDI and literally have been encouraged by them as recently as today. We still pray for each other and remind each other to continue in the faith just as it was spoken over us the first days into the program.

Also the crazy thing is that a year later, I returned to Southern California. Sarang the church I visited during the program is the church I've been attending now for the past year and a half.  Rosemead the School of Psychology that I heard in passing from the GLDI staff Angela and Dr. Ben Shin is the school I attend now, training to become a psychologist. If it weren't for this program, I wouldn't be where I'm at now.

GOD AND HIS PLANS. Seriously....
During GLDI I'm all like ummmmm God, what is my calling. what am I supposed to do after I graduate. and God's like you are exactly where you need to be right now...

Here's the thing though. These past two years in gradschool, here in SoCal have been probably the hardest two years of my life on a whole 'nother level.

Three years ago in my GLDI blog. I wrote in my ridiculousness that I would "blow up" the field of psychology and change counseling. but in reality psychology blew up me. I was humbled. the way I viewed spiritually and emotions and life and people was wrecked. and over the years slowly being constructed. At times I am so disorientated. like who am i. where am i. what time period am I in. what am I even doing here?

Never was that attached to my family. but these past two years I've missed them so much. leaving them after each visit was heart breaking. my best friend who I've been so close with since I was 4 years old. being apart is heart breaking. Not having the familiar community here in SoCal on top of the grueling amount of training that I was going through. yes heart breaking.

Spiritual disciplines at some points were non-existent. Battling through bitterness. Whenever someone referred to me as a "prayer warrior" like I was in the old days. I was like noooopppe don't call me that. I'm not even a prayer peasant at this point.

But through it all, God was with me. He never left my side. Even though my "spirituality" was at an all time low. I never felt dry because His presence was with me. And I kept telling myself that God doesn't hate me. He loves me. His plans for me are good. For His namesake. And for my good.

After I got my Masters, I seriously contemplated dropping out of my program and not continuing for the Doctorate. not because I was falling behind in my training, in fact in my evaluations/grades I was doing surprisingly/ annoyingly well. but because (i know this sounds super ungrateful educational wise, given my opportunities and those who really want this chance...) but I REALLY DON'T CARE about academics or having the title Dr. So. Yet, I've tasted the privilege of therapeutic work and know I still have so much to learn. plus I've also acquired a massive amount of student loan debt that there's no turning back. So, I half reluctantly came back to finish my training.

Three years ago, I wrote in my blog to keep studying in the field of psychology "keep me accountable! and pray for me please. don't forget Rebekah. this is a commitment that you actually need to keep". After I just read that oh man tears just came out of my eyeballs. And I said to myself. Ok, I will. I'll do it.

And then I said to the Holy Spirit. Okay. We once did the impossible (for me) by running two miles without stopping. Let's run three more miles (three more years until the doctorate) together.

Only God knows if I will be able to make it. Who knows what the reasons for me being in SoCal are. what His plans for me are in the field of psychology. Why the person who least wants to get a doctorate has been given the opportunity and abilities to do so.

But I trust God that in the end it'll be worth it.
And pray that I'll enjoy the journey.