Posts

Featured Post

The Power of Caring

Growing up, I considered myself to be a caring person. I was always the one listening to my friends' problems and taking on their burdens. But over the years, as those who I cared about betrayed me or took me for granted, I began to become more cynical. I began to believe the lie that in this world no one actually cares about others. Everyone only cares about themselves and they only pretend to care about another person when they can get something out of that person.

Sometimes we pray things like "help me to love" to God without understanding how He will teach us these things. Sometimes we don't expect Him to teach us something through our pain and tears.

Lately, God has been teaching me about the power of caring. But it definitely hasn't been easy.
I have been confronted with how little I care about others because of my selfishness, laziness, and fear. I honestly don't care about that person's issues, I don't care enough to do something about it, and…

Encouragement from the past

I found my old journal today and as I was reading it I was encouraged. Reading the entries from my pre-gradschool days before life broke me down - I was so naive and precious then...

praying and writing things like "with humility I pray that I would be prepared for anything"
like HA HA HA omg youuuuuu past Rebekah why did you pray something like that. like did you think that magically POOF God will give you that kind of strength and resiliency without going through the TRIALS AND HARDSHIPS. omg what was I thinking...

I came across one entry that had some bits of advice and was encouraging in the midst of these current difficulties that will make me "prepared for anything". the first paragraph was pretty random and ridiculous...it really did make me laugh..

--
6/6/13

Dear Rebekah,

I hope when you read this again you will laugh. Just to let you know God loves your future husband so much because you are going to be the best wife. seriously. you know it. so have that c…

For the love we've lost

I'd rather not loved at all than to have loved and lost.
than to feel the absence of you
they say that time heals
but whoever said that must not have really loved
time dulls the pain
but the pain still lingers on
to the point when some days i wish i had never met you
see i was fine before i met you

but to rather have loved and lost than to not loved at all
would mean that you, or the experience of love, was worth the pain
yet was it really worth it when I can no longer feel the joy of being with you
in the end, memories and just memories.

I came to the realization though that i would rather have loved and lost than to not have loved at all
for reasons that are different from what i once thought
when i saw those who have never loved and lost. i used to envy them
they never knew the unique pain of this type of loss
but see they never knew...
the curiosity in me would have created restlessness
insanity from the wondering and waiting

I am now mildly content in having loved and lost
be…

I give up

I have completely lost my shit at this moment.
I have given up. I don't have hope. I am not grateful.
God is cruel..I want to punch him in the face.

I am not going to make up some bullshit. I am not going to try to stay positive. I've had enough. I'm done.

If it weren't for my family I would 99.9% end my miserable life. but because of them I will 99.9% not.

This is not a cry for help. Do not reach out to me. It's like I swear Susan if you try to encourage me with a bible verse or some meaningful explanation for suffering I will smack you in the face.

This is me venting. And watching to see what happens. I'm putting this on my blog and not going to delete it later because I want to be able to look back on this moment of authenticity and learn something from it.

Favorite Tweets

Compilation of my fav tweets...


I am always learning. and my biggest mistake would be to think that I have got it all figured out


Playing the pokemon guessing game and I was thinking of bulbasaur and venusaur so I ended up shouting vuvlasaur


Wore my gym clothes. Planned to go to the gym. Drove past the gym and went back home b/c I was too hungry...


"I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them."


"Vacationing is just eating at a place you've never been"


People can't be replaced, but the roles they once had in our lives can.


My first visit to the ER has made me realize that the only thing that's fast and reliable in this country is Amazon Prime.


There are so many things to be hopeful for in life. Like the day I settle down. so I can get a pug puppy.


No matter how trivial it may seem compared to the sufferings of this world, each person's pain still matters.


M…

Interview with Laura Hackett

JULIANNA: There's been a lot of buzz around your song, “Lift Up Your Head,” where you sing, "Breathe, darling, breathe. It’s not yet time for you to leave. Love will have its day. Lift up your head. Turn your face to the rising sun while you wait, while you wait for redemption to come.
Absolutely beautiful lyrics. Can you tell us the inspiration behind this song?

LAURA: Thank you! I wrote this song when I was in a difficult place. I was praying one day and asking the Lord if the season I was in was ever going to change. I heard Him say, “Breathe, darling, breathe. It’s not yet time for you to leave. You can’t yet see what’s right around the corner and the dark night will be over.” That night I went home and was thinking about how encouraged I was by hearing that from the Lord. When we know from God we are in a waiting period that’s going to end someday then it’s easier to wait in the present pain.

Then I read an email from a dear friend who was asking for prayer because she …

I will remember you

Intercessory prayer is a funny thing...

I went to the IHOP prayer room today and on my way out I saw this sign for prayer requests and in it was a bunch of printed out prayer requests. The sign said to take one and pray for this person daily for a week. The first sheet in the stack was this prayer request of this person struggling with a blood disorder and has been depressed for months.

The word that stood out to me was depressed. as I too have been struggling with depression and this week in particular it has been at its all time worst. so I had compassion for this person who was also reporting to be depressed.

I took the sheet and told myself that I can't forget to pray for this person daily. And so I started praying on the car ride home before I had the chance to forget.

it's funny how in my weakest moments I stopped interceding for others. because my thoughts were that how could I pray for another person when I am barely hanging on myself. I have no strength or desire to c…

Closer Than You Know

Update from my last post: So I've been doing a lot better since my last depressing update lol
I was literally like God you have until tomorrow to heal me! or I'm leaving! and of course I stop throwing up the next day. haven't thrown up in over two weeks and feeling much better. just trying to live one day at a time and focus on my relationship with God, cause it's the most important relationship I'll ever have in my life.

I signed up for the IHOP prophetic ministry today. they put you in a group with two other people and have two people share words of encouragement with each person in the group. I really wasn't expecting anything and didn't really pray much before except that I needed encouragement.

These are the words (transcribed from the recording) from the first lady:

Okay so as I asked the Lord about you I felt like he was saying that you're a good worker in the physical but also you're a good worker for him and he loves the partnership that you…