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How deep is the Father's love for us.

This is a true story. it happened two years ago around the beginning of September 2011. I've told this story to some people but I've been waiting for the right time to write it. I guess that time is now.

It was a Friday and I had been crying the whole day. At the time I didn't know what was wrong with me. I had just finished tutoring. To my student it seemed as though everything was okay, but as I was driving back, I broke down. something was eating me up because I knew I was straying away again. I had just started to live a life transformed by the Holy Spirit, and now I was grieving Him.

The coaches for our college ministry were all doing Daniel's Fast, so I went to the H-Mart off of 40 to get some grainy food. I parked my car in the spots facing Wal-Mart and just kept crying. But I knew that in those difficult moments, I should praise God. just like in Acts 16 when Paul and Silas were beaten down and thrown into prison. they still praised God.

So I turned off my engine. Placed my keys in my lap. Took out my phone and found the lyrics to How Deep the Father's Love for Us. and I sang through the tears. then I prayed for God to send me an angel. and got out the car to grocery shop.

I had no idea how to cook healthy, so I just got a whole bunch of peanuts and organic canned beans. on the way back to my car one of the grocery bags rips and all my cans roll out. CRAP. I chase the cans around the parking lot.

Finally I collect everything and hobble over to my car. look for my keys in my purse. OMG. where are my keys? I look through my car window. and I see my keys. on my seat. all doors locked of course. in panic I try to see if I left any windows cracked open. of course I didn't.

WHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

This cannot be happening to me. not today. My dad's at work and this is the third time I've locked myself out. he is not going to happy. I call him. get a lecture. he tells me that he has to go home, get the spare and come to H-Mart. it'll take about an hour and 10min.

I'm in like zombie mode now. I just don't care about anything anymore. I ask God how could this have happened? I pray for mercy. and now on top of everything, I'm locked out of my car.

With no real food to eat. friggin Daniel's Fast. how did he do it?
I sit on the curb like a homeless person and eat some of the peanuts that I got.

I stare at the cars that are driving by, and I notice another person across the street doing the same thing I'm doing. Sitting on the ground and staring at the cars. Who is he? Why is he there?
Why does he also look so sad?

I don't know what took over me. probably Holy Spirit. but I got up. put down my bag of peanuts. waited till there were no more cars. and found myself walking across the street. Marched right up to the man.

He didn't even notice that I was hovering over him. Eyes glazed over, staring at the cars.
Ummm excuse me, sorry to bother you. I say. but are you okay?

He glances up and squints at me, somewhat startled that someone is speaking to him. I expected him to say that everything was okay or be like why is this stranger talking to me. but he looks at me with the saddest eyes and tells me that no. he is not okay.

Why?
Because I'm homeless ma'm.
What? (he looks like a normal, white suburban dad or something) For how long?
For 6 months.

oh...I see the black suitcase next to him and then notice the small stains on his shirt. As the breeze passes by, I get a whiff of alcohol.

Instead of walking away. For some reason, I plop down on the grass next to him. He is very confused as to why this young, asian girl is talking to him. but he talks. I learn about his life. how he used to live in Florida with his family. but his alcoholism destroyed his relationship with his daughter and wife. his wife remarried and moved his daughter to Maryland.  he used his savings to travel up to Maryland for his daughter's graduation. and stayed for awhile with the new family.  He ended up homeless again because they kicked him out because of his drinking problem.

He shows me his license. His name is Stephen. that's a good name. he looks so "normal" in his picture. blonde hair. wearing a pink polo. I could imagine him playing golf on the weekends.

A guy walking by recognizes him. Stephen speaks to him in another language. I ask him what the language was. And he tells me it was Italian. What he knows Italian? He tells me that he knows three languages. How is a guy like him homeless...

He tells me alot about his daughter. When he spoke about his daughter his face brightened up.

As he spoke, I wanted to tell him about Jesus Christ. he can set him free from his addictions.

So, I asked the obvious question. Did you ever wish you could stop drinking?
He replied back with a definite yes and explained that of course he tried many times.

here it goes. Do you believe in God?

to my surprise, he replies back with an enthusiastic yes. he explains how Jesus Christ is his Lord and Savior. how he used to love reading the book of Hebrews. I pull out my bible from my purse. He looks through it with excitement and we discuss scripture.

I realize now that even though he knew about Christ. there is a difference in claiming his words. alot of people give up when they don't see "results". but we must truly believe and continue to hold onto Christ. and allow the Holy Spirit to sanctify us.

I tell him about my situation. how I don't believe that it was a coincidence that I locked myself out here. that I was meant to meet him and encourage him. that God has not forgotten about him.

and for the first time, I see a grown man tear up.
he tells me that in all seriousness. he has been contemplating suicide for awhile. but today was the day that he was actually going to do it. jump in front of a moving car.

I tell him that he must not! and he smiles and says that of course he will not now because God had sent him an angel.

I see my dad's car driving into the parking lot across the street. I tell Stephen that I have to go. and usually I don't carry around cash but that week I just so happened to stop by the bank and withdraw some. I hand him a white envelope and tell him to get a taxi to see his daughter. To live right.

I never saw him again. To this day I don't know what happened to him. If he returned back to drinking. But I have a feeling that he didn't. I know that God saved him for something great.


it's funny how instead of sending me an angel, God sends me to be an angel to someone else.

and it worked because I felt much, much better. He has a plan for everything and He can even use our mistakes. this man thought he had nobody in this world to turn to. but God had not forgotten him. He remembered him. He loved him.

How deep is the Father's love for us.

Final Papers

Just something silly that I wrote. To those who have actually experienced real childbirth, please don't be offended...


In the midst of all these final papers, I would have to say that a well-suited analogy for writing papers would be childbirth. At the beginning of the semester, your professor gives you a due date for your paper. Until the due date arrives, you are quite nervous and there is a level of discomfort. You wait in anticipation and you hope that your paper will turn out okay. As the due date draws closer, you begin to labor for your paper. The most painful time is the night before or morning of your due date. You want to give up at times, but you persevere through it. After you squeeze out that last citation on your reference page, you hit the print button and WALA! Finally! Hallelujah! You are done. You staple those pages and admire your finished work proudly.  Depending on how long it took to labor it out, you may even kiss it and hold it to your chest. Some papers you have high hopes for and others, well you are just going to have to accept the outcomes...

And now. enough procrastinating and time to start laboring.

Final Creative Writing Assignment as an Undergrad



Writing Prompt 1: Create a dialogue between three or four characters (no more, except walk-ons) from our books (all from different books).  Situate them in a locale of your imaginative choice. Your dialogue may be serious, philosophical, psychological, or amusing, as you like. Stay in character! When someone speaks, be certain it is *that* person and no one else. While writing, go back to the books to get into your characters’ heads. Be inventive!

Books: The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde , Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, and The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson

Wisdom is the Tree of Life
[In a beautiful, lush garden]

Dorian Gray: Where in heaven’s name am I?

Henry Jekyll: Heaven? Am I in heaven…No I cannot be. I was too wretched of a man…

Dorian Gray: [notices Henry Jekyll and turns around] I was not so much of a saint myself. The last thing I remember…[he touches his chest]

Victor Frankenstein: [pushes aside a thick, green branch] Well gentlemen, this is certainly not hell.

Dorian Gray: Then where are we? And better yet, who might you be?

Victor Frankenstein: It seems that I know as much as you do. And, from my experience, perhaps it is better that we do not know.

Henry Jekyll: Yes, but you don’t expect…

[A bright figure appears.]

Victor Frankenstein: [covering his eyes] oh! The light is blinding me.

[The three men look away, trembling]

The Light: Victor is wise in saying that it is better that you do not know where you are.
This place is to make amends with who you once were.

Henry Jekyll: Sir…may I ask what you mean by that?

The Light: You have all been given the opportunity to either choose a moment in your life to return to -

Dorian Gray: Any moment?  

The Light: Yes, any moment. You will be taken there as if any moment beyond that one never existed and you had never died.

Henry Jekyll: Oh! This cannot be true. To think that we could rewrite our pasts. Why, I already know exactly which moment I would return to.

Victor Frankenstein: My Lord, and what may the other opportunity be?

The Light: You may choose to enter the dreams of the writers of your time and reveal your stories to them.  

Dorian Gray: And what would happen to us afterwards? Would we be forever trapped in their dreams?

[The Light vanishes from their presence.]

Dorian Gray: Wait! Where did he go? Well it does not matter. If what he said was indeed true, then we have been given a golden opportunity. To be able to change our past. We have conquered time! Not all of my fortunes could have bought an opportunity like this. [He addresses Dr. Jekyll.] You mentioned that you already knew what moment you would return to. What moment would that be? But first, who are you? Or who were you.

Henry Jekyll: My name is Henry Jekyll, and in my life I was a doctor.

Dorian Gray: A doctor? Well that is quite respectable. Why did you refer to yourself as a wretched man earlier?

Henry Jekyll: [He sighs and sits on a marble bench] I see no point in hiding it now. If you must know, I have blood on my hands.

[Silence]

Victor Frankenstein: [He places his hand on Dr. Jekyll’s left shoulder.] Brother, I do as well. [He gazes at Dorian.]  

Dorian Gray: As do I...

Henry Jekyll: [He looks up at the men and his surroundings] Well, I suppose then that that is the reason that we are all here in this place.

Dorian Gray: How did you commit the murders…

Henry Jekyll: Well, I did not murder anyone directly. But it was him

Victor Frankenstein: Him?

Henry Jekyll: [Sighs] Yes him. Edward Hyde. That part of myself that I could never accept. See in my zealous pursuit of purity I attempted to detach myself from the “darkness” in me. As you said son, [turning to Dorian] I was a respectable man in my town, I even did some charitable work in order to prove that I was a moral and decent man. But there was an evil in me that delighted stolen wine, recklessness, the “freedom” to fulfill every sinful passion and evil thought in my mind.  Without the knowledge of even my closest companions, I conjured a potion to separate myself from that wretched part of me. But things did not go as I had expected…I didn't mean for it to happen, I swear.  Oh it was just –

Victor Frankenstein: An experiment gone wrong.  

Henry Jekyll: You seem to understand Mr…

Victor Frankenstein: Frankenstein. Victor Frankenstein. I was a scientist in my time. And in my zealous pursuit of knowledge, you could say that I created a monster. It was my first creation. I imagined that I would marvel at it. But when it came to “life” I despised it. I refused to comply with its request for a mate, and my bitterness led it to revenge. It destroyed all that I loved, everything and everyone around me. Including myself.

Dorian Gray: It was as if you were responsible for your own deaths…

Henry Jekyll: And you, my son?

Dorian Gray: I was known as Dorian Gray. And I would consider myself the worst among us all because I was responsible for the suicides of two beings, a death of a man seeking revenge against me, and I myself killed a man in cold blood. A friend. A close friend. I am also responsible for my own death. [He points to his heart.] A knife to my own heart.

Henry Jekyll: With an innocent and beautiful demeanor as yours, I would have never expected such acts. But I myself cannot judge you, my son. What drove you to do such things?

Dorian Gray: [He looks at Dr. Jekyll] You chased after purity. [At Frankenstein] Knowledge. I foolishly thirsted for the idea that I could stay young and beautiful forever.

Henry Jekyll: But how…

Dorian Gray: A portrait. Not my own experiment or creation. But an admirer of mine. Or an admirer of my youth and beauty. The irony. In the heat of emotions, I wished that the portrait would change but that I would remain the same. The portrait began to reflect my sins, grow older and more hideous each day, but I, I still maintained my glorious beauty. I never aged a single day. But my soul became poisoned day by day until the night came when I tried to destroy that portrait that haunted me so.

Victor Frankenstein: But in the end you destroyed yourself.

Henry Jekyll: Yes, we all did. What do you reckon we should do now? I would go back to the moment before I ever created that vile potion.

Dorian Gray: The moment before I made that wish. No, the moment before I met the eyes of Basil. I should have never sat for that portrait. To have allowed myself to have heard that melodious, deep voice of Lord Henry…

[Frankenstein said nothing.]

Henry Jekyll: [To Frankenstein] And you? I’m guessing the moment before you created that “monster” of yours.

Victor Frankenstein: [Pauses] Brothers, we have pursued after dangerous things. Ideas that were once glorious to us, but now we realize that the pursuit of such unsearchable concepts will destroy a man. Yet the world does not know. Our world is still under the deception that the zealous pursuit of knowledge, purity, and beauty are glorious endeavors.  The man who spoke to us before. He had also given us the option to tell our stories. Stories that may one day lead men to life and not destruction. I have now learned the only truth that should have mattered to me before. Only God should know all things. Only can He create beings. Only is He completely pure. And Only is His beauty everlasting.

Dorian Gray: But we do not know what will happen once we enter the minds of those writers…

Frankenstein: It is not for us to know. But for us to trust that this is right.

Henry Jekyll: [To Dorian] My son, I have spent my life searching for what is right. I thought I knew, but I still have yet to understand. [To Frankenstein] But your words seem to hold truth. I do not know if it is right to share my story, but I am willing to take that risk. To spare a man from the hypocrisy of my days. I am willing to sacrifice my life.

[The Light reappears. The three men look away.]

The Light: Have we made a decision.

Henry Jekyll: Yes, but I have a request. I would like to enter the dreams of a writer who has gone through many trouble and hardships in his life. One who would understand my pain.

The Light: Very well. And you? [To Dorian]

Dorian Gray: [Pause] I suppose I will as well. And I would also like to make a request. I want to enter the dreams of a writer who has the ability to write with beauty and eloquence. The work of art I destroyed, for him to create anew.

The Light: Very well. [He looks at Victor] Victor, my friend. What would you like.

Victor: I would like to enter a dream of a writer who is a young woman. I want her name to be Mary.  I picture a woman similar to Mary Magdalene. A woman who had endured much troubles and shame from her society. A woman who would not judge my actions or my creation. Perhaps, she will even have compassion for him.  

The Light: [To the three men] Very well. I will grant your requests. And for your faith, I do not condemn you either. Your sins are forgiven.

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