Days 68-70: The Truth, My testimony, The future

This the Truth that has set me free.

We all start off stuck in the bottom of a deep hole.

most people choose to accept it

and make life in this hole the best that it can be.

but some people had heard that there is a greater life outside the hole.

full and complete freedom.

and in hope they turned their heads away from the walls that surround them

to look up

but the lies quickly came and blinded them

that even though they looked up

they saw no way out

in the hopelessness of those lies

some of them continued to accept life in the hole

while others tried to climb their way out

but still they were stuck in the hole

and so these people

were given the knowledge that in order to get out of the hole

they needed to block out all the lies

the lies that said there is no life outside of the hole

living in the hole is all there is. it is the best way to live

the lie said that they were not children of the father

who lived outside the hole.

and they were not meant to be with Him.

and instead they were told to seek the truth.

the Truth is the son of God

the Truth came into the hole.

and took the all the lies.

and the greatest lie of all.

that we are not the children of God.

and the Truth took that lie on the cross.

and at the moment the Truth no longer was a son of God.

but suffered the lie.

God said at that moment, you are not my child. you cannot be with me.

and at that moment the greatest lie of all was taken from us.

the Truth took the lie from us so that we could see.

the hand of God reaching down to pull us out of that hole.

yet still we see that hand

and are afraid to take it. for we do not trust it.

we feel that we have to stay a little longer in the hole

to work for it.

we feel like we're not ready for it.

there are still better things to experience in the hole.

but my brothers and sisters!

take that hand so that you may feel the wind and the sun shining on your faces

the air is so much better up here.

for we are free.

i am free.

the Truth has set me free.

the Truth above all truths. that makes all truths possible

my Father's love for me.

i am free. i am free. i am free.

truth is what you believe.

This is my testimony and how the Truth has set free.

I remember attending church ever since I learned how to think.

Heard the gospel in 2nd grade.

Started reading the bible daily in 7th grade and that summer went on my first mission trip.

Baptized in 8th grade.

Dedicated my life to God some moment in high school.

Thought I was righteous in college cause I still went to church.

And all those years. i thought i was living outside the hole.

i spent a majority of it blind. and a part of it staring at God's hand and not taking it.

for I did not understand what God's love was.

and because of that i did not understand God's character.

and since I did not understand God's character.

I did not know how I was a child of God.

i lived like i was not His child.

when you do not understand the inheritance that God has for you.

you live either in religion or in rebellion.

i thought in order to get close to God I needed to pray more, read the bible more, go to church more, worship more, evangelize more.

and when i saw no significant change or growth in my life.

i turned to the things of the world to satisfy me.

religion became rebellion.

and i lived with one foot in the kingdom of God

and one foot in the world.

i would go to retreats and mission trips and experience "spiritual highs"

where i had one foot in the kingdom of God and i would dangle my other foot in the air.

but eventually i would put that dangling foot back in the world.

i was in a continual state of want and need.

living in bondage and believing it was freedom.

i would try to evangelize to my friends.

and be discouraged as to why my words had no power.

but i now realize. the blind cannot lead the blind.

and i was blind.

I came to Korea to meet God.

and in the beginning i fell into the same lifestyle of my continuous battle between rebellion and religion.

but God is a God of grace. amen.

and He was like no more. Rebekah I will rescue you and lift you out of that hole.

one night i was so drunk i thought i was going to die.

and at the moment i wanted to find comfort in God

somehow even to the club i carried my bible.

and on the way back in the taxi i read the passage Matthew 24 about the signs of the times and the end of the age

about how there is going to be famines and earthquakes in various places

at the time i did not understand.

but the next day. the biggest earthquake of 8.9 magnitude hit japan.

and literally shook the nation.

but out of the devastation we prayed hope over the land.

that God would bring restoration and peace for that nation.

and God was saying to me. Rebekah i am going to shake you.

and you will be fully restored.

shortly after that night.

something was deeply troubling me

so i went out to buy a pack of cigs.

on the way i felt like i was carrying a heavy burden

and i knew what i was doing wasnt right

but i didnt want to care anymore

and on the way i had to cross this bridge

and for some reason i stopped in the middle.

leaned over the edge and watched the cars go by.

and contemplated suicide.

i would never do such a thing.

but still it would be so easy because the lie came to me that

i am no one of importance.

if i died people would miss me for some time and then move on with their lives.

i am so insignificant.

then a voice told me to turn back.

and i listened.

stretched out my arms and told God i may seem worthless

worth no more than 2 copper pennies.

but i give it all to you.

turn it into gold.

and let this story be told.

that day God lifted me out of that hole.

and i felt so free.

from that day. every day just got better and better.

and i had both feet planted in the kingdom of heaven.

both feet outside the hole.

but i knew that i was still, for some reason, looking down into the hole.

and that my change was not yet complete.

i fasted and prayed for a total of 120 hours.

and during those times God revealed His love for me.

and told me that I was so special and so beautiful.

during my time in Korea I have been blessed to attend a campus ministry at Yonsei called EMMAUS.

and to experience the EMMAUS 180 retreat.

I was so excited for this retreat because I knew God would share so much with me.

April 29th: Day 68

the first night. i heard God's love for me spoken with such power and truth .

and it was the missing puzzle piece that I needed.

and all those times I read the bible, all those sermons I heard, and all those worship songs I sang.

it all made perfect sense at that moment.

God told me that Rebekah

"you will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free"

the verse that was revealed to you before you even set foot in Korea.

that was my plan for you from the beginning

and centuries ago I built this school Yonsei for you.

and that verse became this school's philosophy.

and all those times you heard my anointed ones speak that verse.

it was all for you.

and my only son the Truth came on this earth for you.

and I said, God how is that possible. who am i but one person out of billions.

and He said no, Rebekah that is how great my love for you is.

and that's when I did a 90 degree turn away from the hole.

April 30th: Day 69

on the second night i heard about my inheritance from my Father.

now that I knew I was a child of God.

I could receive my inheritance.

and I learned about how I used to live in religion and rebellion.

because I did not know about my inheritance.

for God has always and will always love me.

but until I got out of that hole. I could not receive that inheritance.

and the only person I had been hurting was me.

I had put myself in deprivation when I could have had riches.

The inheritance that I do not deserve or need to work for.

The inheritance that I will receive solely because I am but my Father's child.

Because I know who my Father is. I know now who I am.

And I have all power and authority.

And that's when I did the full 180 turn.

And I knew that this was not another spiritual high.

Because I now have both feet planted outside of the hole.

in my Father's house.

And not only that, I'm looking away from the hole.

And I'm looking at my Father.

And all the temptations and distractions that were screaming and jumping at me from the hole.

I no longer see or hear.

Because I love my Father. And I only look at Him.

I want nothing else but Him. And He is all I need.

that is how I became free.

My life now and the days to come.

Day 70

May 1st. Spring is here in full bloom.

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

he refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths

for His name’s sake.

Even though I walk

through the valley of death,

I fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me. 

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely your goodness and love will follow me

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the LORD

forever

I love this psalm. Because I finally understand it!

right now I know its important for me to not focus on doing anything.

and just receive God's love.

I used to believe my purpose was to save as many people as I can.

but my purpose is to receive God's love.

like a baby. to just receive love and look to the parent.

but God is good and He has prepared good works for me.

that when I know God's heart. His will becomes my will.

and my greatest desire will be to share His love.

for hours I just spent time with my Father.

I never understood how people did that but now I do.

And then I read the encouragement notes I got from the retreat.

They were all encouraging of course but I would like to share one particular one from a sister.

Rebekah,

I'm so glad you're here this semester. God has given you a gift with people and watching you use it to attract people to Him has been an encouragement and blessing. Your love for God and others is clear but never be discouraged when you don't see change or growth occur in your friends as quickly as you might wish.

God's timing is perfect.

oh snap! the last line just blew my away.

All this time I tried and tried but God was like chill Rebekah.

I understand your heart and for that I will bless you for it. but leave it up to me.

I have plans for the ones you love and my timing is perfect.

And my Father has revealed that this year my best friend.

the person who i have the biggest desire to know His love.

will be set free.

and she will know just how much our Father loves her.

and her testimony will be greater than mine.

My God is an amazing God. amen

One of my friends said that I should go into public speaking.

And at the time I said I hate public speaking.

and at the moment I knew that that fear of speaking would be broken.

my confidence is in Christ.

My spiritual mama Tina says that she saw me on a stage

speaking to a large crowd of women.

sweeeet

I will be a light in this world of darkness.

And I will speak of God's love.

And He will not only heal the broken hearts.

But will give them completely new hearts.

for we are new creations.

perfect and holy.

And not only people but nations will be restored.
The time is near.

I am so excited.

Because I will have so many more awesome stories to share.

For my eyes have finally been opened.

And I am fully restored.