Day 80

today started out as another wonderful day as usual.
went to my poli class for the first time in like a month.
didn't even leave after i took attendance.
i'm blossoming into a beautiful student.

skipped on over to pasta wed with cheeia.
the sky was beautiful the trees were so green.
i was singing ladidadadia. and i had so much peace and joy.

cheeia and i talked about my testimony and i was teaching her about the gospel.
it was really warming and awesome.
cheeia is sucha warm-hearted joyful person to be around.
you cant help but smile and laugh when you are around her.

korean class with stone face today.
it was pretty chill since like 2/3rds of the class didnt show up today.
we had to explain our dream house in korean.
except i went to the board and drew a picture.
mmm yes aquarium tank with my baby sharks here.
and squidward the squid.
my jacuzzi room. elevator opens up to my penthouse.
balcony. yadidadida.
my house is gunna be awesome ;]

right after class i had planned to meet up with my spiritual mama Tina.
i've been struggling with something since the beginning of this trip.
something rooted probably many many years ago.
i was very hopeful and trusted in God so i thought the time would be very encouraging like last night was.
but man......it was hard yo.

From the beginning i told Tina that i would submit under her authority.
whatever she told me i would do.
a part of me knew what she was going to say. but i really did not want to hear it.
even though i knew it was right, it hurt so much to hear it.
i cried so hard i couldn't even breathe.
i cant even remember the last time i cried like that. maybe when i was a little child.
to let go of something you love is the hardest thing in the world.

there were many things i could have said.
things i could have argued. compromised.
but God said no. submit fully.
i did. but afterwards i felt so sad.

after Tina dropped me back off at the dorms.
i went to my familia sister's Marie's room for comfort.
and my other sister Katherine also came.
we sat chatted, blew bubbles.
so many times i wanted to leave and just be alone but they wouldnt let me.
man i love them so much

even though they were with me to comfort me. i felt so depressed.
looked into the mirror and my eyes were beyond sad.
then they got fried chicken.
and they were like rebekah you want some?
and i was like no...i have no appetite right now
as i picked up a piece of chicken and started eating.
and then i ate like all their fries...

i felt so much better :)
wow......wow sometimes i shake my head at my simplicity.
how is that even possible.
i am so ridiculous sometimes.

then we listened to the sermon podcast from New Philly by Pastor Christian.
and it was about who shepherds our souls.
basically we have our body, soul (mind, will, emotions), and our spirit.
those who believe in Christ receive the spirit. but most are stuck living in the body and the soul.
and many Christians as well. even though they have the spirit. they let the body and soul have authority over the spirit.
now our direct relationship with God is through our spirit.
but our leaders shepherd our souls. and that comes through full submission.

man talk about perfect timing...

for so long i was stuck living in the flesh and in my soul.
but i must now rely on the spirit. and i have strength that i have never experienced before.
strength from my Lord.
i have never ever ever ever ever. in my life. gotten over something so quickly.
as im writing this i am baffled by how much at peace i am.

i looked at my reflection once more and saw a face that was changed.
God is so good.