Where are our hearts?

Wrote this when I was 15 years old. haha i guess it took a couple years for my heart to change. but I'm amazed at how God has heard my prayers back then and answered them. He never forgets and I hope I never forget all the things He's done for me. 

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WHOOOOOOOWHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

THANK YOU LORD !@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!!!!

like whooaaa who still does xanga . now that its all about myspace and facebook and facespace blah blah

but yeahh i really wanted to share this for some reasons.
so anyways this gotta be one the best/ tiring weekends i had. now that i'm not grounded no more.like one of those days where you are so happy to be alive kind of things. and not only that with out doing anything bad(well except lying to my dad to go to gmpc lockin) but like lying for good reasons this time. im sorry to him btw. but mann i really learned alot from this lockin

oh yeahh cause we worshiped until 4 am !!! never worships liked that before
thats why i like blacked out at kachi the next day

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but anyways at the lockin i really like dae waen oppa's sermon.
the theme was being HYPOPRICITE. the thing is i really think i wasnt one? isnt that ironic
and in the sermon he even warned people can point fingers so easily at someone that being hypocrite but
its hardest for most people to realize that themselves are hypocrites. (this was after some verse about first take out the plank in own eye before you tell someone else to take out speck out there's) something like that.
well i guess LORD you wanted me to know. i now know. but LORD you also helped me to understand thats its okayy that i'm not perfect and i will never be but you love me anyway and always have.

now at first i thought being a hypocrite was talkin the talk but not walkin the talk.
yes that is it too. but thats most obvious one. the one that people fail to see is when you
actually walk the talk. but your walking for the wrong reason

SAY WAH??? okay okay lets break it down. its like lets say someone says they believe in JESUS. ooh good. and not only they SAY they believe but they read the bible everyday, pray everyday, and worship at church every sunday. all the neceesities of a "good" christian. so the not only SAY that believe. but the ACTIONS also show it.

but what about their hearts?
don't you feel like somedays your singing praise songs mindlessly. like your mouth maybe moving but your mind is somewhere else thinking of someone else or something besides prasing GOD. yeahh... even pastors have been there. so you haven't been in this situation...your crazy...anyways i've always felt like that and it took me this long to realize i am the biggest hypocrite.

i realized this during the worship it was like 3 am. when sam oppa was like time to go and meditate and pray to yourselves. so i was like okayy lemmie go to the far corner of the gym and honestly i only stood up and moved to go sleep. so while everyone seperated to go pray. i was just about to lay down and fall asleep when in the corner of my eye i saw this guy. we shall call him HAMBURGUR. now now hamburgur was just praying his heart out. and he don't go to that church too and he is also shy(supposidly). anyways so in front these random people he raised his arms in cross motion, beating on the floor, literary praying with heart so shamelessly. and i was like daaaaaaaaangg. thats what it means to strip yourself of all your pride. and what really really shocked me was literaly tears yes i'll admit TEARS started falling down my face because i realized that i would never have courage to do that. and i've never seen anyone at gmc did that before. not even at retreats and maybe that's why sometimes our ministry doesnt feel united.
because we are all hypocrites.
well now GREAT. so i was sitting there like i knowing that i am a big fat hypocrite. LORD what do you want to do now. how can i fix this. and then BAM. like magic i remembered the end of d.w. sermon. which is crazy because before i didnt realize what it meant and i was like what is he talking about. that crazy... and started falling asleep.

well the thing is we cant really DO anything about it first. we have to change our hearts first. and i guess for me personally thats gunna take some time. but i know that LORD will realy truly help me and our ministry too.

see we try to come up with all these committees and retreats and oikos and tournaments and rallies and friday nights blah blah. which is all good. but not when the heart of the church is not really into it. and that why maybe its not helping that much. because people only come to church and retreats and oikos and blah blah for friends or blah blah blah besides GOD. and if our friends are not there we can't go cause we feel like we're gunna be left out. and blah blah it ends up not being about GOD but about yourself and friends.

whewww this is like super long now. i feel for bad for those who actually read this whole thing. but yeahh it took lot of courage to write this and share it so you better! just kidding. not really.

well whatever these are my crazzy thoughts from dw's sermon. im sorry some of it doesnt make sense cause i'm tired right now.and sorry for my bad grammars (if patrick chung reads this...i'm dead haha) but i hope it helps our minisitry. cause i've been coming to gmc for 12 years and even sometimes i dont feel like i'm really part of this ministry but i still pray for it everyday and it makes me sad when people talk bad about it.

so GMC we can have a praise team. and a worship every sunday. and a great pastor. and a retreats. and everything else that will make us LOOK like a church

but hopefully someday soon our hearts will be there too.