Day 2

Sunday, June 24th 2012

I am slowly running out of pens. keep losing them. but i shall still write!

Today Dr. Kim, the founder of GLDI shared with us the message of transformation (change from the inside out) through the story of the prodigal son (more like the story of the Father's heart) and his own testimony.

wow...I've heard the story of the prodigal son so many times, but this time I was fighting back tears (failed of course, cry cry so touching)

His testimony is amazing. I wish I could write the whole thing but basically at age 36 (I might not be recalling some of the numbers in his testimony right) he was a deacon in the church, just voted best professor at his university, but he didn't realize how bitter and angry his heart was. Therefore, in order to lead him to repentance, God allowed him to have a terminal illness, last stage of liver cancer, and three doctors pronounced that he would live no longer than a year.

After hearing the news, he went up to a mountain, fasted and struggled with God for 6 days and 6 nights and during that time God vividly showed him all his sins (he said he wrote 52 pages of his sins). He then truly asked for forgiveness. His heart changed in repentance, and God gave him a vision to proclaim His name to the ends of the earth and to start a global leadership camp. On the seventh day he declared that he would live. and miraculously he did. 32 years later still walking faithfully with the LORD.

Amazing...i hope that I will be faithful to the LORD as well no matter what happens. gotta be prepared.

Afterwards we have exercise time. ughhh. it's been 2 days here and someone has already called me a halmuhni (grandma). gasp this girl knows me so well.

We have to do 20 jumping jacks. I get tired around 15, so I cheat a little towards the end thinking that no one can see me. Wave my arms but my feet are not jumping.

When we finish, the ex-marine trainer calls me out and says that if anyone cheats the whole group has to do it again. nooo.....forgive me guys...

We do alot of team building things. Everyone is so nice and friendly. And back home I'm used to so much sarcasm (haha healthy brains) and sass. So nice and politeness feels so strange and kinda awkward. I love these girls here so far, but I hope that pretty soon we can get real with one another. mwahahaha.

At night we have a campfire and open mic session, then deep sharing with our family groups. I notice that a lot people not just girls but guys too have alot of insecurities and feelings of lack. I used to feel that way too (still being restored) but God has changed me alot.

If you meditate on the story of Jesus washing his disciples feet, you get a revelation about true humility and confidence. Alot of people equate putting themselves down with humility, especially in korean church culture (ex: I'm the worst; I'm not good at this; I confess I've been lacking in this).

But in order to really get down and be humble, you need to be truly confident. And confidence is not how you see yourself but how God sees you. True confidence is from finding your identity in who God is, how He sees you, and trusting in Him. So even though you may not believe in yourself, He believes in you.

If you are lacking in wisdom, in Him you lack nothing because He will give you whatever you need for the Kingdom's sake. If you think that you are ugly and unworthy. He says that you are His beautiful bride, fearfully and wonderfully made.

God has been restoring my confidence over the past year and I am so grateful for that. I also hope it's something I can teach to others as well. Because it's the foundation for the next step: true humility. Humility is not putting yourself down, but putting God and others before you. And it takes people established in their true identities to get down and serve others.

I hope that in the next coming days, God will teach me how to put others before myself.

Goodnight.

Mr. Lizard in the California mountains