Day 30

I got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart to stayyyyyy

"Those who sow in tears will reap songs of joy" - Psalm 126:5

This past year I've experienced the hardest times of testing and trials in my life. I probably never cried so much and felt that kind of pain. but now I don't remember any of the sufferings but feel the joy in my heart!! so much indescribable joy. STAND FIRM. have a loyal and faithful heart for God is good. all the time.

this theme of standing firm has truly been on my mind lately. today we went to Crossway Community church and the speaker Dr. Os Guinness (his family own Guinness beer and Guinness world records. crazyy) talked about standing firm through the story of Shedrach Meshach and Abednego - in the book of Daniel- who would have rather die in the burning furnace than acknowledge an idol before God.

for most of us. the moment the slightest problem comes up. we get angry at God. and blame Him. and complain. etc...but we must praise Him through the hard times. He know's what He's doing.
He has the BEST is store for us.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm so joyful ^______________^

btw. wow....the OC is really like what you see in TV. all the people at Crossway church are young and beautiful. I felt like I was at a fashion show. ohh Southern California..

fam group outside of Crossway

today for lunch and dinner there was kimbap (korean sushi) -.- ohmohnah.  my worst nightmare. I ate kimbap and threw up when I was a little kid and to this day it is the most detestable of all foods - along with celery and carrots.

thank goodness there was Ramen and chicken as well :)

Tonight we shared our testimonies. and I shared about standing firm. I usually don't speak in public but I think that I need to get over my fear of public speaking/ people.

I also noticed from listening to other people's testimonies. that we have alot of trouble loving others. I know I def. do. but it's sooooooooooo important. God emphasizes this so much. there's really no point in doing anything if you don't have love. you can't even say you love God if you don't love others.

This is something that I think will be a continual process for the rest of our lives. cause there's always new people and people that will get on your nerves. but for me the best thing is honestly prayer. I can't force myself to love someone. but always when I pray for God to change my heart to love someone, He answers. It's like the one prayer that I know God will surely answer because that is 100% His will for us to love one another.

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" - John 13:34-35


goodnight. stay loving and joyful <3

Day 29

Oh the glorious weekend is here. no morning exercise ^____^

today we had a career fair, because this week was the career and calling week. to be honest even after all this information. I still have no idea what I'm going to do after I graduate...
people ask me "whats your major"
me: Psychology (just psychology btw not psychology and something else)
oooh. what do you want do with it?
umm.....i don't know...eh heh...
oooh i see. what year are you?
mmm...senior....
oh......

awkward palm tree in a hurricane.

I got some useful info though from talking to the people with jobs.
1) don't worry about what you are going to do way in the future. walk strong with God and He will lead you there step by step
2) Ask God not only open doors and but also to close certain doors.
3) Whatever you end up doing you should love it enough to say "I can't believe I'm getting paid to do this"

I also met Pastor James Byun's (old pastor of my church) brother Jim Byun. Such a small world

He's a lawyer. I liked listening to him talk.

after lunch we played basketball :) mwahahaha I love just shooting the ball. it feels so good when you make it in. all my experiences from playing HORSE.

except I one time I missed (just slightly) and I got the ball stuck in the tree. aha...

today was a real silly day. even when working on our Nation Building project. the whole time all I did was make songs and pretend rap over Dr. Dre beats.

goes like this

Hey I just met you
And this is crazy
But here's our number
Give us money

Let's build a nation
For King JC
So here's our website
Donate to Haiti

Chorus
Let's build a nation
Altogether
(Haiti, Haiti)

ahahahahaahaha.

Dinner was really funny today. We had this intense discussion about Korean Dramas. the guilty pleasure of this world. and then we started casting everyone here at GLDI. apparently I could either be the clumsy main character or the older sister of the main character. 

after dinner. two hours of awesome Time Alone with God (went by too fast TT.TT) and then 3 hours prayer time. it was a little crazyy as well. this time I was really into it and apparently when I prayed for others it was on point. towards the end i was quite silly.  that's cause I was drunk on the Holy Spirit ;]

oh man it's been awhile. I remember the last time was in Korea. and people were seriously asking me what drugs I was taking. biggest compliment of my life "Rebekah, I want what you have"

so thankful for the Holy Spirit ^______^

Don't be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit. 
-Ephesians 5:18

best thing about Holy Spirit. no hangovers. instead you wake up to a glorious morning.

goodnight.

Day 28

Today Coach Dave convicted me with his story of how the 80 years old grandpas that he plays volleyball with wear tube socks on their arms and give their best effort.

I tried so hard (or harder than usual). ran harder. even held the plank position for 30 whole seconds. if the grandpas can do it. grandma Rebekah can do it too.

I also felt convicted today to skip breakfast to pray because so many crazy things have been going on lately. there are two funerals tomorrow, two people in the hospital, and then I heard about the Colorado movie theater shooting. man this world needs some true hope.

I apparently got a little carried away...because next thing I know it was 8:43 (need to get to the lecture room by 8:45) and I literally sprinted as fast as I could there and made it. it If I had gotten there only 15 seconds! later, we would have had Sat morning exercise. o.O thank you LORD.

for the afternoon session I noticed the girls in my family group were missing and I was freaking out cause I thought they were late. but it turns out that today felt really burdened and down. so they got together and had a prayer meeting. I think there is some crucial spiritual warfare going on. praypraypray

 I literally have nothing to write about the lectures because for some reason I couldn't pay attention to any of them. I do remember Coach Dave sharing with us though about his experience as a teacher. he has so much passion for teaching. I hope that I'll have that kind of passion for something.

as I was eating dinner with Grace today, I realized I do kinda have a passion for something. I really like it when people trust God and I like sharing stories of His goodness. it makes me bubbly.

May God be gracious to us and bless us
    and make His face shine on us—
² so that your ways may be known on earth,
    your salvation among all nations

but for now I know that food is among my passions. during our Haiti group meeting. I was drooling over this shaved ice place, Guppy House, that is 12min from here (I googled mapped it and everything). I have definitely gotta try this place. got this pic from google images.

don't worry. I did more than that. I also made a Haiti song (over Call me, maybe)
Hey I just met you, And this is crazy
But here's our website, Donate to Haiti

genius.

after our group meetings. whatever sulky moods my family group members may have felt went away instantly with late-night Ramen and us pushing out our bellies and pretending we were pregnant.
I won the competition.
I'm not sure whether to be proud or convicted to do more ab workouts.

ahh so fun. reminds me of the days in Korea. I've been praying lately that GLDI would be the best time of my life. for the past year I've always felt that Korea was the best time of my life and nothing would ever compare to it. but God is good! I think He wants to move forward. the best has yet to come :)

goodnight.

Day 27

Thursday July 19, 2012

oh man I didn't have time to write the blogpost for last night because it was like woooosh woosh. Holy Spirit was working so powerfully in our family group. I just want to thank everyone who has been praying for me. I really feel it so much. I pray that you will receive blessings in double portions!

I've been crazy joyful these days. God's been really teaching me to trust in Him with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. Even when I had to chose the next leader, I had to trust Him. and alot of people here are truly sticking to their commitments to surrender ALL to Him. even the things that they cherish the most. And I realize that yes God is testing us the way that He tested Abraham, but He also wants to set us free from the things that burden us. He wants our desires to be in Someone who is reliable and powerful not on people, things, situations that will fail or disappoint us. And He desires to pour out His love and blessings onto us. So that not only are we blessed, but we can be a blessings onto others.

He's raising a generation of people who are willing to humble themselves before Him and say "I'm sorry. I can't do this on my own. I need You." He plans keep these people in His presence and to make them distinct from everyone else. No more lukewarmness, no more on the fence. We are either going to be for Him or against Him. I pray that His mercy and grace would lead us back to Him. that all those who are called will come together in love and unity. sharing the same mind and likeness of Christ. believers who are transformed from the inside out by the power of the Holy Spirit. believers who will be committed and stand firm- holding onto the gospel without be ashamed of it or shaken. that His laws would be written on our hearts and minds. no longer feeling the guilt of sin, but being empowered to expanding the Kingdom. so that we would be His people and He would be our God.

May we never forget and persevere each day. Surrendering to Him and lingering in His presence daily.

Yesterday we learned the power of stories. And I believe that God has written beautiful stories with our lives. I got to hear some powerful testimonies from the girls in my group. We've all been through alot. In the beginning of this trip I foolishly thought that because most of us grew up in well-off Christian families we were all sheltered. but everyone has burdens and secrets they carry.

Last night was the last time I would be leading family group and God is so good. I know that He is restoring, freeing, maturing us so much. We are surrendering our lives to Him so that He may use our talents that He has given us in such powerful ways. He is putting so much hope in us as we trust Him.

And we must cling onto this hope. For His love never fails.

I also want to share Gregg Helvey's short film on modern day slavery http://kavithemovie.com/
You can watch the movie on the link above. it's a 19min short film that was nominated for an Oscar. Gregg is an example of a man who decided to surrender His talents to God, and as a result God has exponentially blessed Him. He's working on another project now, please pray for Him that God will use Him mightyly to influence media.

all I can say is that God is good. and I want to spend the rest of my life believing and proclaiming that He is good so that the world may turn to Him and put their faith in His son Jesus Christ. who is the ONLY way to know God.

good morning :)

Day 26

Wednesday, July 19th 2012

Alarm goes off at 5:15am for our prayer meeting. I turn it off....
next thing I know Nara comes to into my room and is surprised that I'm still in bed because it's 6:05.
we have to be at morning exercise by 6:10
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! whyyyyyyyy. I don't even have time to brush my teeth TT.TT
so sad...the leader is running to morning exercise. barely making it on time.

Today we are fasting lunch. and so I plan to eat this humongo breakfast. but I feel God calling me to fast breakfast and pray for someone. TT.TT so convicted. yes. this person should be more important to me than a bagel toasted to perfection with cream cheese.

Morning session speaker is Dr. Paul H. Kim I don't really remember much about what he said. but I did really like how he was wearing these yellow cowboy boots. wow...never seen a korean old man wearing cowboy boots- especially bright yellow ones.

yellow cowboy boots

Afternoon and evening sessions were awesome. Jenn Ball spoke about our strengths and how we can use them for God's purposes without anything holding us back. my strengths are adaptability, empathy, connectedness, input, and belief.

During the time of prayer she told us to listen to God and ask Him which strength that He wants us to develop. and I never expected it to be belief, one because it seemed so simple and two because it was the last one on my top 5. but I got the impression that I need to have a faith that is unshakable. that when people judge me, I won't be ashamed of what I believe because I know with all my heart that what I believe is the truth. God doesn't want me to be a wishy washy lukewarm believer, but one who would be willing to die for what I believe. then people would start wondering.

one of the greatest words ever said to me was when I was talking to this guy who hated talking about religion. but initiated an hour and half conversation with me about God (he's also not a native English speaker so it took alot of effort). and at the end of the convo, he said - I know that what you believe is the truth because I can see that you truly believe in it.

I'm learning to trust in God and really listen to Him instead of relying on my own understanding. especially when choosing the next leader for our family group. I'm down to two people.

While I was praying for which one I should choose. God reminded me of how He chose me even though I'm not perfect by any means. When I checked my fb later I saw that my sister messaged me this STORY

It's really good. and the end it said this
Looking back on all the things God has allowed me to do, I am still amazed that God chose to use me. My desire, my heart, is to finish the race and to do it well. It is important that we not only run the race, but we finish well.

I believe in the next leader, because I know that God believes in her no matter what other people may think. And I hope that she will lead us to finish the next two weeks of GLDI well. 

goodnight.

Day 25

Last night I read that famous and familiar Proverbs 6:9 "How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep?"

I remember the last time I read that, I was waking up in the double digits hours. and now it's the single digits TT.TT but wow God truly answers. I prayed that I wouldn't be a sluggard. and never knew that a few months later I would be waking up every morning around 5am and exercising.

it's actually not as hard as I thought it would be. most likely God's extra grace is on me. our family group is going to take it even further tomorrow and wake up earlier to have morning prayer in our living room.
yeah...we'll see how it'll goes...

Time has really been flying by because I only have a few more days as the group leader. God has taught me so much during this past week and half. I'm so grateful ^___^ most importantly besides loving people, God has taught me that a true leader is not just a leader by title. but someone who continues to set an example, love, and care. that even when I transfer over the leadership to the next leader (ack. still haven't decided who. Oh LORD I need clarity!) that I would still do my best and really be that strong support for that person.

Anyways morning exercise: I'm catching up towards the middle of the running group now because my roomie Diana has been literally pushing me. afterwards we had to climb up and down the stairs. oh man so crazy a couple days ago I was talking with Wuen about how hard morning exercises are. and I said- well, at least they're not making us climb stairs. stairs are my weakness.

mmm....seems like God is really developing my gift of prophecy..

I've been praying lately for God to show me His funny side. I think He is....but it's not funny. it reminds me of my dad's humor. when he's laughing, but I'm not laughing.
not funny -.- (but secretly smile on the inside)

For morning session Mr. Bill Heatley talked about the joy of working. wooooo! I hope I will remember this teaching forever. especially when I get a job later. He said that we should be joyful when we work and that God can use you anywhere. in fact it's necessary for us to all work in different fields. he also gave us a hint for our right job: what is it that we would do, even if we didn't get paid for it.

I guess I'm going to be a professional eater then.

Afternoon session: the speaker Rev. Joel talked about Arts and Entertainment. how we as believers should not avoid "worldly" things. but see how we can influence media to glorify God. even though there are all these horrific statistics on the amount of violence, distorted beauty, sex, etc shown in the media. running away from it or avoiding it, is not going to help. we need to take back media and shine through the darkness. i mean everything belongs to God anyways. media also belongs to Him. we shouldn't be influenced by negative things, but we shouldn't be unaware what goes on either.

then all the artists here got to eat lunch with the speaker. someone asked me if I was an artist too. I said that I'm a doodle artist. give me a pen and a three hour lecture. and I'll draw you a masterpiece doodle.

I would like to share something noteworthy today. so a couple days ago I mentioned that I wrote a letter of forgiveness to someone. and it was actually my sister. growing up we've always had a Tom and Jerry kind of relationship. but yeah...I really apologized. and this is what she wrote back.

I just got your letter- thank you for writing that, you don't know what that means to me after all these years of being hurt that you didn't care about me. The fact that you, of all people, have changed drastically enough to actively seek forgiveness is solid proof of God's existence and capability for me. It goes to show the extent of his incredible power and goodness, so I hope you realize that your actions are an incentive, inspiration, and reminder to keep pursuing him to change my guarded heart as well. I'm also proud of what you're doing; the fact that God is having you play out the actions that you're most unlikely to do, such as running, shows that you're truly his humble servant. You were blessed with so many natural talents and gifts, it's always been hard to watch you throw away or disregard what so many others like myself work so hard to reach. So stay away from sluggishness, mediocrity, and settling and continue using your way with words to reach out to others!

wow I was so touched by it...her writing it really good too....

the greatest miracle is the transformation of a person from the inside, out.
I really don't know what kind of monster I would be without God's grace.
but I'm really thankful that He is good.

goodnight.

Day 24

So yesterday we learned about forgiveness. and wow.....God is so funny (though I didn't find it that funny) because He provided me with an opportunity to practically apply this concept of forgiveness.
I never realized how sensitive I really am, especially with what people say TT.TT my soul was wounded.
Had a misunderstanding, and spent the morning venting, forgiving, and praying blessings for this person.

mmm. when living in a world with people. gotta learn to be thick-skinned.

We got a new trainer for morning exercise. His name is Coach Dave. he's gotta get familiar with my turtle speed things that I do things. During running today my roomie Diana helped me by pushing me (literally) while I ran. Ya know need a little push at times.

Dr. Richard Blackaby spoke again this morning and afternoon. it was so great. I really like him because we think alike. like literally he speaks what I think in my mind. hmmm is this what Paul means when he writes I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.

He spoke about not limiting God and how God can use people of influence in business. when I was younger I generally thought that God only used pastors and missionaries, but now I'm learning how we can be faithful to Him anywhere He places us.

For lunch Dr.Kim's wife had a special luncheon for us! yayyyy with fajitas and tiramasu. ahhh!!! so happy. and I was even happier when she spoke because seriously she's my role model. Iljji pointed out how I remind her of a halmuhni - grandma. truly that is my destiny. I hope to be a really cute and wise grandma too like Dr. Kim's wife ^___^

Dr. Kim and wife wedding photo!

love shot with Gloria

so cute halmae!! 

I had a dinner date with Wuen today! it was really joyous and encouraging. here is our documentary of this weird green spiky plant that we have never seen before. 

Evening session: Mr. Bill Heatley spoke again about how God can use us in business/other occupations. I think he worked with Kaiser Permanente and some other big company developing this $7billion product. Idk. basically he's a person of great influence. but i really liked what he said about how he surrenders his problems to Jesus (because Jesus knows everything) before he goes to sleep and then in the morning when he wakes up he has the solution in his head. before he does any projects he prays for wisdom. true dependence on God.

another thing that he talked about in relation to depending of God (sort of goes along the lines of having the thorn in the flesh) is that sometimes we struggle with something (such as distractions, anger, etc) and we ask God to take it away, but He doesn't so that we would be humbled and rely on His strength.

oooh I like this. today I surrendered something to God. it's a dream that I have always cherished more than anything else. I guess my alabaster jar of perfume. I poured it onto the feet of Jesus. and said that my devotion to Him is more important than this desire. keep me in Your Presence forever.

so much joy~ no place I'd rather be.

goodnight.