Day 120

Writing this last post is one of the hardest things i've had to do.

Day 120.

can't believe i'm finally typing those words.

oh snap. emotions are running high.

i've never had any trouble writing. just flow from my head.

but i wonder now how i should end this. what i should say.

All endings are also beginnings.

We just don't know it at the time..

I'm not gunna cry as i write this. cause there'll be more.

maybe i'll start a new blog. or update this one once in awhile.

this is just a beginning of my life. of my time in korea.

i'll be back korea. for sure :D

had such a fun day with my friends.
met my sole relative here. Yae-in unni

haha she's so cool wish i hung out with her more.

wish i did alot more things here.

but i'm leaving with no regrets.

because one day i'll have all the time in the world

to do all the things i want to do.

ate fried chicken with the fam friends

i wanna say 'one last time' but i'm not gunna!

we will eat fried chicken again.

lol i really wasnt planning on crying.

but i told them that the reason i made a facebook before i came to korea

was that i knew that i would make friends in korea that i would want to keep in touch with.

i loved my friends even before i met them.

and then gina looked at me. and was like dont cry

and then the tears started coming.

hahaah ms. hello kitty!!! i'll miss you so much.

went to barfly afterwards.

danced the night away

and then took so many sticker pics :D

ahh good memories.

i prayed tonight that i wouldn't be sad.

but leave with happy memories.

we've said our byes to many of our friends.

said we'll keep in touch till the end.

i wonder if we really will.

only time will tell.

but i really really hope we do.

i've truly met some awesome people here.

i need to pack haven't even started and i'm leaving for the airport in a couple hours.

to fly on a plane that i don't even know if there are any seats left cause i forgot to confirm my seat.

hahaha story of my life.

always chaotic. but somehow things always work out.

and things will always work out.

it always does in the end.

i just have to make it there.

and when i do each time. a new door opens for me.

lol am i getting too corny?

i know i have million things to do.

but i just want to spend the last couple hours here in korea with God.

just going over all the things He's shown me and how i've been transformed.

new revelations. its only the beginning.

i'll be back 2 years from now. to see how this place has changed.

to continue learning about the promises of this land.

today i found a museum of Yonsei history, about Underwood's vision here.

that this school may educate those who will serve this world.

to bring peace and justice to this world. in the spirit of Jesus Christ.

may the students be mighty and strong.

to soar like the eagle that represents them.

let nothing bring them down.

And this same blessing is over me.

as i return back home. i'll bring it.

before i came here i prayed that i would meet God.

and find my life's destiny.

i now know who i am. and who i'm meant to be.

and together we are unstoppable.

my time here. is only a piece.

of my life as a whole.

i'm coming home.

and one day i'll return to my heavenly home.

remembering all the days of my life.

both reminiscent and excited

for all the days to come.

Thank you Father,

May I be reminded of your love in times of sufferings and blessings.

May your presence be with me always.

May I find favor in your sight.

And may I first seek your kingdom and righteousness in all things that I do.

In your precious son's name we pray,

Amen.

Day 119

9:00am wake up for morning prayer.

11:20 am missed morning prayer

12:45 head out to church

2:06 get to church.

its hot today. and i'm glistening not sweating.

sit on the seat and my thighs get stuck to it.

yuck i hate when that happens.

my last sunday at New Philly for now.

dont worry i'll be back to pour back the blessings i've received.

today's sermon was about when things get from bad to worse. to keep having faith.

all things work for our good

hallelujah.

today when my symptoms came again worse than before. i just stared at it and laughed.

hit me with your best shot fear.

i'll just keep getting back up.

after service mama tina and the other emmaus staff. rona, sarah, and matt

prayed over me and blessed me before i left

so encouraging.

i'm a sunflower with lots of seeds

taller than all the other flowers

and soon there will be many other sunflowers before me.

a cactus in a dry land

they will come to me for living water.

the words of God, the lessons i've learned here are written on my heart.

His heart beats faster when He sees me.

better watch out maryland

i'm coming back fully equipped, fully clothed.

i'm coming home, i'm coming home

tell the world, i'm coming home.

hung out with my korean friend ranhee and her friend minjee too.

i'll see her again as well!

can't believe we still kept in contact after all these years.

when i say i'll keep in touch. I WILL.

so dont worry TT.TT

today is halmae (ann's) last night here.

ate meat and took sticker pics.

and now we're gunna chill the night away.

one by one we're all leaving.

returning back to our homes.

but i'm not sad cause we'll all meet again.

i will come find you. MWAHAHAHAHA.

no really. i will.

i like to travel anyways. i'll take a world tour.

and visit errrbody.

until we meet again. VEGAS reunion!

ahhh :) it's been a good couple months

let us all leave with happy memories

Day 118

i am so pooped out.

shopped from like 5-10 pm today for souvenirs

had 9 shopping bags. 1 and half of them was mine. and the rest was chubby cheeks

he even got a souvenir for his dog.

how generous of him....

as soon as i get back from shopping.

get ready in 10 min to go to club naked.

the club i got wasted at in the beginning of this trip.

before my life got turned around.

mmmmm good memories...

decided to go out cause its the last night out with my ladies~

it was real chill.

i was there chillin like a villain.

except more like chillin like an angel.

cause i was praying at the club :D

my prayer rap. 

Father,

forgive the youth in this place

i know we've been to you a disgrace

meant to be wiped out without a trace

are we really a hopeless race

are our bodies just a waste of space

instead treat us with mercy and grace

clothe us in wedding garments of lace

and draw us to your loving embrace

that we realize, rethink, and retrace

that our hearts will beat to a new pace

in this lost generation.

there is still hope.

there is still one girl here who remembers you.

so remember me. 

and do not forsake this generation please. 

life is both a gift and a mission.

once you learn to balance these two sides

you learn how to live.

which is why after i was done praying

we went and ate so much streetfood :D

best part of the night.

watermelon on a stick.

corn dog, fish cake.

icecream cone :)

life is good.

Day 117

i guess most people after they are done with finals

wanna party like there's no tomorrow.

but for me i just want to rest like snorlax level 99.

ate my heart out.

then went to the spa :D

at the spa i swam around and met this cute grandma.

she has the biggest belly in the world.

like a female santa claus!

we were talking.

she tried to swim like 5 feet and was out of breath.

said she couldn't swim right now cause she's drunk.

puahaha cant believe i'm swimming with a drunk gma.

life is so werid sometimes...

so she made me swim and watched me enviously.

and clapped and smiled and gave me thumbs up the whole time.

she told me i was so beautiful.

ahh i love old people ^___^ they make you feel so pretty.

and she asked me how old i was.

20.

ah...that's a beautiful age she said to be.

she said she was 65.

she showed me her finger.

she cut it this morning while chopping up veggies.

she told me her back hurts.

showed me the scars on her stomach from the surgery she got 10 weeks ago.

i asked her what's wrong with her stomach. why its so huge.

she explained, but i couldn't understand. the words in korean were too hard for me.

she said she was in a lot of pain.

i wanted to heal her. i just didn't know how.

i wish i knew how.

i prayed for her. asked God to take away her pain.

that in her old age she has still a lot to live for.

her life is still valuable.

she is still beautiful.

i told her she was real cute.

and she got real happy and was bouncing around.

how cute....

since we were on the topic of health issues.

i told her what was up with me.

and she got all big eyed and took me to the oriental medicine place in the spa.

and told the lady there my deal.

and the lady there was like she cant do anything about it.

she told me i should def go to a hospital for that.

but the thing is i already went..and it was booked.

marmarmar how do i say that in korean...

i told gma not to worry and left.

in a way i still am healthy. i still have alot.

there's no need to worry.

in the changing room.

this middle age lady was talking to me.

she asked me where i was from.

if i was japanese. and i said no i'm from america.

she said i must be very blessed. that nation is rich.

i come to the spa to play around.

but she comes to here cause her house has no bathtub.

i could tell she wasnt that old but she looked as if she aged too quickly.

limpy hair with strands of grey, crooked yellow teeth.

i'm thinking about this in the hair drying room.

i guess how blessed i really am

to be young and 'rich'

to have a future.

and i overhear 3 american girls next to me.

they look to be around my age 

they are talking more like complaining.

we really do worry too much about little things.

life is all about perspective.

Day 116

Last day of Korean class with stone face

man cant believe it....

seems like yesterday i was goofing around in that class

stone face taking all my money.

puahaha today she returned all the money she took from me and erick.

aww how thoughtful. i will miss you stone face

after class i went to the hospital.

only to find that everything is basically booked until next month

i guess there nothing to do except wait until i get to the states..

though i feel like each day that passes by my symptoms will get worse.

but in times where things seem hopeless i must have hope

everything will be okay.

saw green lantern today :D

that movie was only wonderful cause ryan reynolds was in it ^__^

mmm very nice.

called to be a light.

a peacekeeper in this world.

fight for justice.

what seems to be our weakness are actually a greatest strengths

overcome fear with courage

we are chosen

there is something that is in us that He sees. and we must believe in ourselves.

whenever i watch movies or hear songs nowadays i'm always reminded of what i learned here.

His love. the story of this world. my mission. my story.

NRB with cheeia again. heheehe i love nrbing with her she picks the most awesome old school songs.

before i leave korea. this is my song to Jesus.

to sum up basically what i've learned here and how i've changed.

story of a new chapter in my life.

"The Reason"

I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is You

and the reason is You 

Day 115

2 finals in a row.

I AM DONE :D

how do i feel?

let's just say i'm glad that all my classes are pass/fail

ching! ^___^

after my exams though i was getting attacked so hard

with fatigue and stress.

weird getting stressed after you finish all your exams/papers....

so i like slept outside for a bit.

talked to jong yoon for a bit.

he has exams from 6:00 - 11:00pm.

chemical engineering stuff. blech that's disgusting.

he got them dark circles under his eyes.

my fatigue and stress is nothing compared to his. i need to stop being a baby.

after he left. i napped in my room

and woke up super cranky.

sat outside for awhile praying.

trying to figure out what was stressing me out

so i could cut it out before it starts eating me up.

cant turn into a stressed out octopus.

if you ever feel confused/doubtful/insecure about something: These feelings indicate that you've strayed away from what God wanted you to do and you're trying to take control of the situation.

i guess when situations come up we automatically have a tendency to try to take control of it, and then when things dont go your way or you dont understand what's going on you get real stressed about it.

but trust in the Lord with all your heart.

and peace will follow.

today is la shawn's  (cindy) last night in korea TT.TT

so we gunna NRB!!!!

yeahhhhh i love singing even though i suckkkkk

but that makes it more fuuunnnn and less intimidating for others

right after i'm done nrbing with cindy and friends

cheeia hits me up for some more nrbing.

YAYYYY nrb round 2 !!!

nrb from like 11:00pm-2:00am

ahh yehahh

i thought nrb would release my stress

but i got back and my body was being abnormal again

i didn't go to the hospital today to figure out what's going on.

and i dont know how to go to the hospital in korea TT.TT

so i got more stressed out.

on top of that extra side order of stress from something else.

aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhck. Lord just take me noooowwwww

oh yeah i was being real overdramatic.

praying and crying. stop i'm coool. wahhhhh praying and crying again. 

around 4:00 am i was good.

trust in the Lord with all your heart and peace will follow.

everything is gunna be okay.

somehow it always is for me.

Day 114

woke up nice and early.

to go volunteer at the children's library

i had a dream right before i woke up

telling me to love on the children and tell them that they are beautiful.

i think i understand now why God led me to that place randomly.

and how i was able to get a job there as soon as i walked into that place.

so interesting....you follow what He tells you, not even knowing where you're going and what you're gunna do there.

and you just get amazed that He already has everything planned out for you.

i am to sow seeds into the hearts of the children.

we say our children are the future and all

but sometimes we really underestimate children.

they are the ones who we have to spend the most time nurturing and ministering to.

God remembers the children, His favor is on the second generation.

but not only that the enemy is always out to get the children first.

hit them with all the lies at a young age so that as they grow up they learn to live in bondage of these lies and be separated from God and the truth.

we must protect the children.

i mentioned before that even at such a young age children are individuals.

they all have their distinct personalities.

and watching them interact is so interesting and hilarious.

and when you look at kids sometimes you're like ohh that girl is gunna grow to be like this and that boy is gunna be a pimp.

i saw in all the kids a possibility of such bright futures.

but at the same time God was showing me all the possible paths of destruction.

the girl who is really smart and bosses all the other kids around.

in a flash i saw her future, who she would become and the lies that would attack her

the persecution she may face because of her intelligence would either lead her to loneliness in the form of covering herself in earthly knowledge or in superficiality.

i prayed that these children be established in their identities as children of God.

so the whole time i did what God told me to do in my dream.

hugging them, telling them they were beautiful.

Ms. Know it all :D i told her she was so smart.

they love me ^___^ puahahaha they call me Sexy Teacher.

eh hehehehe.....

and then they started doing this sexy wave dance.

oh my...stop that children..yeah i really need to pray for them.

especially the girl who keeps grabbing my lady humps...

and the boy who tries to eat my leg cause i taste yummy

this kid! needs extra prayer..

ah...i love kids.

if you dont love children.

work on that! that is a blatant attack from the enemy.

we are meant to love on children.

gunna go sunday school teacher crazy when i get back to md.

but yeah in md i'm also a tutor. and i've been praying lately that God will use me in that position to sow seeds into the lives of my students.

and then! i get an email from my tutor manager today saying that he is changing his business to be a Christian tutoring business. so basically his business is gunna have God at the center. oh snap~

his goal is for the students to remember that education is not their lives but that our lives are a gift and mission from God.

and education is a tool in life.

he also said he's gunna start this business with me, let go of all his other tutors, and give me all the students.

ahmahgunah. wow...

when i read this i was just blown away.

that's what God's favor is.

ballin~

thank the promise giver, and don't focus too much on the promises.

for He has much more in store for me.

*oh yeah side note prayer request.

mmm yeah how do i say this. lately.. well actually for the past month.

my body has been doing some abnormal things. i was going to wait until i get back to the states to go to the hospital. but its been going on for a long time and it could be nothing but it could also be potentially serious. sorry for the vagueness..

i'm going to the hospital today.

please pray that I have increased faith, more love for God, a commitment to do His will, and to seek His kingdom and righteousness first.

then all things will be okay :D