Circumcision of the Heart

Sooo today as I was driving to BIM (to teach Baltimore City kids), I got a revelation about CIRCUMCISION o.O

Awhile ago I read in Exodus 4 about God almost killing Moses because he wasn't circumcised. Here Moses was, on his way to Egypt obeying God, and then all the sudden God wants to kill him because he wasn't circumcised. Thankfully Moses wife Zipporah takes a knife and circumcises his son and they are saved.

This passage confused me a little. Why would God do that?? but I was like whatever...and moved on.

Couple months ago I received an interesting phone call. And the woman who was talking to me told me she was confused about this passage as well. And we were both like hmm....but then forgot about it.

Why is circumcision so important to God?? I mean why is the cutting off of the fleshy part of a man's private parts so important?

And then I was like oh.....CUTTING OFF THE FLESH. i get it!

"The LORD your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live."

-Deuteronomy 30:6

I've been praying to God for him to help me love him with all my heart and soul. That is the greatest commandment after all so I might as well get that right.

But it can be so hard because we can't tangibly feel him or see him or even hear him. I have a hard time loving my own family how can I love God?

In order to love God, we must first understand how he loves us and also be baptized with the SPIRIT. Think about it the Spirit and God has been together for eternity. The Spirit loves God very very much.

We understand when we receive Jesus Christ we are receiving his Spirit. But then we are walking around with his Spirit with us and nothing is happening...

Our lives are not fruitful.

1) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control - Galatians 5:22-23

2) Testifying to how good Jesus is/ spreading the word and having it multiply

Our Spiritual lives are always wavering. We go on spiritual highs and lows/ dryness. We still struggle with sin/ fleshy desires/ worldly things. Making us quite unfruitful.

For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do - Galatians 5:17

What we want is to please God and follow his will. But we can't do that because our SPIRITS are ONE with our FLESH. and not God's Spirit.

we need to CUT OFF our spirit from our flesh. and make our spirit ONE with God's Spirit.

How...?

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will - Romans 12:2

I had no clue actually. I guess by not conforming to the patterns of this world. But I need help with that too. 

When in doubt. Always pray.

So I just started crying out to God. MAKE ME ONE WITH YOUR SPIRIT. CUT OFF MY FLESH. CIRCUMCISE MY HEART.

And God was like of course duhhh I will do that, I've been waiting for you to ask me. But do you understand what your asking for?

PAIN and SUFFERING.

cutting of the flesh. is not an easy thing. it's a very painful process. I mean back then they couldn't walk for like days...And the longer you have your flesh the more it'll hurt.

So let's see I've been with my flesh for almost 21 years of my life? that's 21 years of the world bombardation with wrong information always shown by the media. Negative images is the main criteria. Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria.. that I need to cut off.

It's going to be so painful.

But is it worth it?

This is what Jesus says. "The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." (Matthew 13:44)

Jeanie asked me a question 2 weeks ago. She said if you could go to heaven and ask Jesus one question, any question. What would it be.

I thought about it hard for like 2 min and I came up with my question.

"Was it worth it?"

And hopefully Jesus would say yes. and then I would break down in tears and cry and it would be an epic moment.

But it would suck if he said. Nah girl if I had to do it all over again, I would have a nice simple life as a carpenter.

Jesus suffered for us willingly. We all know that, but the question is should we also suffer too? I mean if he took AWAY our suffering and pain for us. We shouldn't have to suffer right? (That used to be my excuse for the longest time)

Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory - Romans 8:17

No matter how much I want to avoid suffering. in this WORLD it's unavoidable. Jesus took away our eternal punishment, but as long as we are still here in this world we must suffer.

But when we suffer (by giving up everything) we "suffer" WITH JOY. because we know that it'll be worth it.

It's worth breaking up your relationship. It's worth giving up food and sleep. It's worth giving up alcohol and cigarettes. It's worth hiding your laptop so you won't watch porn. It's worth giving up those TV shows to read books about God. It's worth giving up grad school or getting your PH.D. It's worth not joining a sorority. It's worth being a missionary or a pastor. It's worth forgiving someone who hurt you.

Turning away from the flesh and following the Spirit is worth being with God forever in the kingdom of heaven.

And the more you become united with the Spirit. After you overcome your struggles.

You will have INCREASE. increase in wisdom, joy, peace, hope, love. the riches of heaven. INCREASE!!

And if God ever needs to humble you from all the wisdom and revelations. He sends you to teach children. Who don't care at all how pumped up you are about God and everything you know. They are so honest and blunt with you if your class is boring. And trying to command a group of elementary school kids will always remind you how much you need to depend on him.   

Amen.

Let's get our hearts circumcised.

His Love Endures

Excitement turns to nostalgia

Anxiety to peace

The things we desire

Pass away in a blink of an eye

What we wait for in patience

Bursts like fireworks in the sky

Only for a moment

What we ask for we receive

To be forgotten, so that we may ask of more

But give thanks to the Lord

Never forget the good things He has done for you

For His love endures

His love endures

During blessings and sufferings

Give thanks in times of blessing

For it is what you desire

Give thanks in times of suffering

For it is what makes you grow

People come and go

The place you once called home

Is no longer yours

But God has never left you

For His love endures

Give thanks to the Lord

For He is good

His love endures forever

My Daddy

I remember when I was one years old

My daddy smiling at me

As if I were the most precious thing in the world

I remember when I was five years old

So excited for my daddy to come home

Would run into his arms and tell him I missed him

Would wake up in the morning and tell him

I wanna go to work with you, daddy

And he laughed and said maybe, someday

When you’re old enough you will

I remember when I was ten years old

I would kiss my daddy goodnight

And fall asleep knowing

That he was there to protect me

I remember when I was fifteen

When daddy became Dad

When my friends became my family

When I was chasing after love

From guys who would come and go

Dad would come home late

I no longer cared

Goodnight kisses were gone

And I would fall asleep on the phone

With the ones I thought I loved

Now I’m twenty

My best friends are gone

Lovers clumped into a distant memory

Leaving me with faded scars

Forgive me dad I know I’ve done wrong

If only I’d stayed by your side

Living in obedience but in me there

Was a spirit of rebellion

I’ve grown and matured but still I’m struggling

I’m still growing, still a kid

Be patient with me, one day I’ll mature enough

To walk past those ways without a second glance

Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine

After all I’m your girl

Got your DNA, strength to face the world

Soon I’ll be old enough to go to work with you

And I’m gunna make you real proud.

I think I’ve found the one

Praying please let him be the one

Who’ll love me as much as my Dad loves me

Cause I know that even over all these years

Whether I felt close to him or afar

There was someone who was always there for me

Someone who always loved me

My daddy.

China Testimony 2009

Hi, my name is Rebekah So. I am a freshman at UMBC and I have been attending GMC for about thirteen years now. GMC has provided me with the opportunity to experience God’s work in countries all over the world. At the age of thirteen I had no idea what my first mission trip would teach me, and how it would eventually lead me to my mission trip to China.

Before I begin sharing my testimony I would like to read Matthew chapter 28 verses 19-20. It says “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

Certainly God was with me. Even before I embarked on this mission to China. I was excited when my friend Esther told me about the Asia W team. I’ve always had a heart for China. I had been praying for China and it was amazing that I had an opportunity to go. However, I was also hesitant. It was the summer before I began college. Money was tight and I needed to find a summer job.  My parents were unenthusiastic about sending me on another mission trip. Discouraged, I decided to seek God for an answer. Lord if it is not your will then I guess I’ll stay here and get a job, but if it is, send me to China.

Two months later I was on a plane, headed for China. I had no idea what our mission team would do when we arrived. We had prepared workshops that were canceled two weeks before we left. Then we’ll just build relationships in Xinjiang we thought. However, a week before we left there was a violent riot in Urumqi. The very city we planned to visit. Our plans were thwarted, and we were to arrive in Beijing unsure of what we were going to do during our time there. Thankfully, everything was in the hands of God.

As I observed our VBS, I was baffled. I mean we only took a couple hours the night before to plan the VBS, which most of us, who were jetlagged, slept through. Usually, it takes months to brainstorm and prepare, and yet it was one of the most organized and efficient VBS’s I’ve ever experienced. God had taken all of our skills and put them to work.

A week later our VBS was over and the KM team would be saying goodbye to the EM team. On our last night we sat in a circle and shared our thoughts about the trip. As I listened to the responses, my heart felt somewhat unsettled.  I understood when my team members said it was an eye opening experience, but this was my sixth mission trip. To be honest, I no longer felt the emotions I did years ago. If I left when the EM left, I would have felt unsatisfied with the trip. I felt that something more had to be done.

It’s funny actually. How I was part of the KM team instead of the EM. I mean I was born in the US and don’t speak Korean very well, yet I wound up with the fobs.  But I look back and I realized God had a plan for that as well. With the KM team, I would be staying in China longer, which in turn would allow me to reflect more on the trip.

After staying in Beijing for a few more days we took a long train ride to Yenji. In Yenji I hoped that we would accomplish something amazing. See, we were meditating on the book of Acts and in the book of Acts Jesus’s disciples did some amazing things. I longed for something drastic and life changing. Yet day after day I would be disappointed. I was enjoying everything around me. But I thought what is my purpose here? To eat good food and gain ten pounds? Why was I called to China? It didn’t seem like I was doing much.

Later that day as I was meditating on the word, God made me realize that it was His work I was called to do. I did not know what his plans were, but God had control over everything. God may work in drastic ways like he did in Acts, but he may also work in simple and slow ways. The bottom line is it is not up to me to judge whether or not I’m doing anything significant, but must put my faith in Him.

From that day, the reoccurring theme of faith popped up everywhere. From our devotions to the sermon we heard on the following Sunday and serving at the disabled children’s home. Even from the man who bought us dinner. I still remember something he said that stuck with me. If you are faithful to God, why would he want for you to be unhappy? He will give you everything you want, things that you didn’t even know you wanted. Because God knows you better than you know yourself. He knows what will make you truly happy and what you should do with your life.

Therefore, I urge every follower of Christ to go on mission trips. It may not go the way you imagine it in your head, but when you obey God’s word you are under His protection and guidance. I had hoped to restore peace in the hearts of the Uighurs, the minority group in the land of Urumqi where we originally planned to go. But God had a different plan for me. A plan that was right for me. 

That summer was the summer before college. I have no idea what I wanted to do with my life. No idea what career path I wanted to choose. The decisions I make in college will set the course for the rest of my life. But I am rest assured because I have learned something very simple from this mission trip, that when I put my faith in God everyday of my life is like being on a mission trip; He will be with me always, even to the end of the age.

8th Grade Testimony

Monday, May 16, 2005

Testimony Hi my name is Rebekah So I’m in 8th grade and I’ve been coming to gmc for almost 10 yrs now. I guess I was really lucky to be born into a Christian family and known about Jesus Christ since I was in first grade. I guess when your little it’s sorta easier to be a Christian because you don’t really have any worries or problems or doubts yet. When I was little I guess I knew who God was and what he’d done for me but I didn’t really care about that kind of stuff all I really cared about was like nap time and digging for worms stuff like that But as I got older I realized that I really need God in my life. 4 yrs ago before I moved I had pretty much a reeli good life. I had a good family, good home, lots of friends, and I was like this reeli happy kid. But I took all that stuff for granted and never reeli thanked God for the great life I was living and it wasn’t until I moved that I realized that I started to have a lot of problems but I kept it all to myself. I mean most people think that rebekah so has no problems im usually always happy all the time. imean how often do you see me acting sad or being a drama queen. See I used to live in pg county and I went to school like 5 min away from dc and stuff so  basically all the people I lived around nd went to school with were all black. Then 4 yrs ago my parents moved me all the way out to western Howard County and we lived in my cousin’s house and it was the total opposite. my school that I had to go to was like 100% white there were like farm animals everywhere. So I was like whoa. I was definently not used to anything like this so I had a lot of trouble making friends and fitting in. I felt like I had nothing in common wif these kids cuss like half of my school was preps and the other half was hill billys and it was like probably there first time in their life ever seeing an asian kid so they were like studying like a bug. Oohh look at the way she eats ooh look at the way she talks. So I got really sick of them and I didn even  try to be their friends. During recess and stuff when everybody would be outside playing and having fun but then I would be the only one walkin around the blacktop alone. And I felt really lonely and I was like God why did you have to move me out here in this stupid farm area to this stupid hill billy school why couldn I juss stayed where I was and been happy? I guess maybe if I prayed to God He would listen and help me. So I prayed to God every nite to give me friends that were nice and he answered my prayer near the end of 5th grade I was invited to this pool party and I got to make a whole bunch of friends and I guess things were starting to look up a little bit… but then the summer between 5th grade to 6th grade my mom started working. So the whole summer I was stuck home all day and I had to take care of my annoying little sisters and cousin. The onli thing that kept me from suffocating was goin to church every Sunday. So I was like God right when things were starting to get better why is more bad stuff gunna happen? Once I got into middle school kids got meaner and sometimes made fun of me but I just ignored it cuss I wanted to be a good kid but it was really hard sometimes. I prayed and prayed and God changed my heart. I started to actually try making friends and try to enjoy my life and I started my make a lot of friends and have fun at school. God answered my prayers and I felt so thankful but then things at home started to go bad. My uncle got remarried and now my step aunt was goin to move in with us. I could tell my step aunt really didn’t like that fact the my family was living with them. Since myy parents were never home and she was always there she would yell at me all the time but I couldn’t do anything about it or it would upset my uncle. My step aunt hated my guts and it got so bad that I couldn’t even go downstairs when she was there. This lasted for 2 yrs and I really couldn’t take it anymore I prayed and prayed even harder and God answered my prayers again. Finally we moved out and I thought my problems would get better but then it got worse. Of course I was finally glad that I was away from my step aunt but then we had to move further out into the country. I was practically isolated away from everyone and my dad wouldn’t let me do anything, go anywhere. my whole life was to take care of my sisters and to eat and sleep. My friends at school starting treating me would no respect and taking advantage of me.Family is suppose to be your most important priority but i was sick of my family my mom was never around, I was constantly fighting with my sisters and dad all the time and taking all my fusration out on them. I would runaway with bad friends and cause my dad to worry and yell at me. My best friend didn’t evn know what was goin on with me and she become mad at me too. I’m like a very undramatic and reserved person so I didn’t tell anybody about my problems with my family, with my school, with my friends, and life at home, so my biggest problem was that I kept all these feelings to myself and thought bleh who cares its no big deal. But i didnt know at that time was hurting me inside.I didn’t even tell anything to my best friend. I covered up my pain and pretented I was happy and everything was juss excellent all the time…which led me to make bad decisions and doing things I regret. . I felt like nobody cared nobody understood my pain and I literally wanted to jump of a cliff…but God knew God saved my  life. When you’re a teen. life is really hard. Its like a big stress bubble. You have all these problems to deal with and sometimes its seems like it just gets worser and worser. Sometimes you don’t know what to do and you make wrong decisions. But you need to let ur feelings out don’t try to keep it to yourself like I did.. You need to talk to some reliable friends and most importantly you need to let God help you. I don’t know where I would be rite now without God. I realized that God made everything happen for a reason even the bad things. If I had never moved and stayed where I was sure I would have been happy but then I wouldn’t have gotten closer to God and the schools that I would have gone to were really bad and I probably would have dropped out of high school nd never evn considered college. God helped me understand why my parents moved me. Becuss they cared about my future. The huge fight between my dad and I had led me and him to talk and know im allowed to do more things on the weekend so I wont have to lie and sneak off anymore. God made me so much wiser and He helped me to cope with my problems by reading the bible and praying. I’m sure everyone one of you has problems and instead of complaining about it try to really talk to God and ask him to help you. If the world was problem free then there would be no purpose of life. It’s the difficult times that help you grow and get closer to God because that’s when you need him the most. It’s the times when you feel like ur gunna cry that God is so real and He is ready to wipe your tears away. I know I still have a lot of bad things to deal with but now its easier because I have God in my life to help me along the way. God is trying to help you too but you need to open up ur heart nd let God into you life…then maybe God can change ur heart too.

One year update

Exactly a year ago I arrived to Seoul and got off at the Ewha University bus stop, confused because I thought I had missed the Yonsei bus stop. Miraculously ran into Chad and Chris from my school back in Maryland, who escorted me to the I-house, only for me to find that I didn't have a room because I accidentally checked male instead of female on my housing application. 

That day marked the first day of my amazing and awesome experience at Yonsei. Where I spent my nights at Barfly and Hongdae and realized I'm such a grandma, climbed a mountain (realized how not-fit I am), ate unlimited BBQ in Sinchon followed by waffles of course and back-to-back desserts. Discovered how good Korean fried chicken was. Stayed up all night in the SK lobby ordering McDonalds. Woke up at 3pm to go to KLI everyday at 4. Had mini vacations (Jeju and Busan) during my trip, which was already like a big vacation. Made friends with the funniest/ unique people ever. And did what you were never supposed to while studying abroad (of course I would). Fell in love.

But most importantly I had an encounter with the living God. To begin to taste His goodness and the riches of His kingdom. To get a glimpse of what His will was for me. Understand His love. And discover how exciting a life led by the Holy Spirit really is.

Yeah.....and as soon I came back to Maryland all these things faded away.

It's so true when old people tell you that life is short. really short.

I think the first thing I say when people ask me "How was Korea" is "I wish I could go back"

I really do miss everyone and everything so much. But I guess with everything you have to learn to keep moving forward and make the best of what's around you. 

While I was in Korea my spiritual life shot up really fast. Looking back from my first entry to the last one, I realized just how quickly I've matured. But when I returned I truly learned what it meant to develop deep roots. To grow wide. So that not only are you a really tall tree, but a nice fat one too.
So that nothing that comes your way in life can knock you down. 

I still remember all the prophesies that I received while I was there. And though it seems so out of reach now, I have to keep believing that God will allow me to fulfill them. At times it seems like Korea was all just a dream. But I have to trust that God will complete the good works He began in me. 

Last semester I was really distracted and had little to no motivation to do anything. But now I can slowly feel myself moving forward again. To sum it up two very important things I learned was.

1) Pray. Always pray. 

2) Never let go. Never give up 

I plan to go back to Korea next year. To have fun catching up, reminiscing, eating, and seeing how the place has changed. If the chicken place and waffles stand will still be there?! 

But I wonder as well. 

How much will I have changed since the first time I got off the bus and stepped foot into Sinchon.  

Day 120

Writing this last post is one of the hardest things i've had to do.

Day 120.

can't believe i'm finally typing those words.

oh snap. emotions are running high.

i've never had any trouble writing. just flow from my head.

but i wonder now how i should end this. what i should say.

All endings are also beginnings.

We just don't know it at the time..

I'm not gunna cry as i write this. cause there'll be more.

maybe i'll start a new blog. or update this one once in awhile.

this is just a beginning of my life. of my time in korea.

i'll be back korea. for sure :D

had such a fun day with my friends.
met my sole relative here. Yae-in unni

haha she's so cool wish i hung out with her more.

wish i did alot more things here.

but i'm leaving with no regrets.

because one day i'll have all the time in the world

to do all the things i want to do.

ate fried chicken with the fam friends

i wanna say 'one last time' but i'm not gunna!

we will eat fried chicken again.

lol i really wasnt planning on crying.

but i told them that the reason i made a facebook before i came to korea

was that i knew that i would make friends in korea that i would want to keep in touch with.

i loved my friends even before i met them.

and then gina looked at me. and was like dont cry

and then the tears started coming.

hahaah ms. hello kitty!!! i'll miss you so much.

went to barfly afterwards.

danced the night away

and then took so many sticker pics :D

ahh good memories.

i prayed tonight that i wouldn't be sad.

but leave with happy memories.

we've said our byes to many of our friends.

said we'll keep in touch till the end.

i wonder if we really will.

only time will tell.

but i really really hope we do.

i've truly met some awesome people here.

i need to pack haven't even started and i'm leaving for the airport in a couple hours.

to fly on a plane that i don't even know if there are any seats left cause i forgot to confirm my seat.

hahaha story of my life.

always chaotic. but somehow things always work out.

and things will always work out.

it always does in the end.

i just have to make it there.

and when i do each time. a new door opens for me.

lol am i getting too corny?

i know i have million things to do.

but i just want to spend the last couple hours here in korea with God.

just going over all the things He's shown me and how i've been transformed.

new revelations. its only the beginning.

i'll be back 2 years from now. to see how this place has changed.

to continue learning about the promises of this land.

today i found a museum of Yonsei history, about Underwood's vision here.

that this school may educate those who will serve this world.

to bring peace and justice to this world. in the spirit of Jesus Christ.

may the students be mighty and strong.

to soar like the eagle that represents them.

let nothing bring them down.

And this same blessing is over me.

as i return back home. i'll bring it.

before i came here i prayed that i would meet God.

and find my life's destiny.

i now know who i am. and who i'm meant to be.

and together we are unstoppable.

my time here. is only a piece.

of my life as a whole.

i'm coming home.

and one day i'll return to my heavenly home.

remembering all the days of my life.

both reminiscent and excited

for all the days to come.

Thank you Father,

May I be reminded of your love in times of sufferings and blessings.

May your presence be with me always.

May I find favor in your sight.

And may I first seek your kingdom and righteousness in all things that I do.

In your precious son's name we pray,

Amen.