Everything is Temporary
Dear God,
Last night I got an email that my doc paper finally was approved. This paper has been the bane of my existence for the past 4-5 years. Literally nights of crying and screaming into pillows. But now it's done and, as expected, it's anticlimactic. I wrote in my previous entry that if everything works out will I be happy?
I think as I'm out here and everything is coming to an end - everything I thought I wanted will start to happen (moving back, graduating) - I'm realizing that my true joy is found in being with you. Because everything in life is temporary and not as glamorous as it seems.
I remember there was a weekend in college when I thought I had everything and got to do everything I wanted to do - but I still felt as though something was missing. I still wasn't satisfied.
I'm not at a stage where I feel completely joyful or euphoric. my current mood is somewhat tired but at peace. I am learning to appreciate and balance once again life as a gift and a mission. Learning to just be with you and being content in the good works you have planned for me.
I still remember the last message P.Erin preached at EMMAUS (college group I went to at Yonsei while I was studying abroad). She preached that everything in life is temporary and if there was one thing we could takeaway it was to remember our commitment with God. That was 7 years ago - and I feel as though my faith has been tested like crazy since then. But I'm glad that my time here in Kanas is reminding me once again of what's truly important.
In group therapy today we talked about the fleeting nature of happiness. For some they want to hold onto the happiness and fear/avoid/deny the pain. For others the ups and downs of happiness and pain is too exhausting or disappointing that they rather just stay down or cynical. I have had both experiences in my life and hope now to accept that pain in life is inevitable so I won't have to be afraid of it. To be able to allow myself to enjoy the good times and persevere through the bad. And in it to find comfort in the one who remains steady and faithful through it all.
You will always be my joy.
Last night I got an email that my doc paper finally was approved. This paper has been the bane of my existence for the past 4-5 years. Literally nights of crying and screaming into pillows. But now it's done and, as expected, it's anticlimactic. I wrote in my previous entry that if everything works out will I be happy?
I think as I'm out here and everything is coming to an end - everything I thought I wanted will start to happen (moving back, graduating) - I'm realizing that my true joy is found in being with you. Because everything in life is temporary and not as glamorous as it seems.
I remember there was a weekend in college when I thought I had everything and got to do everything I wanted to do - but I still felt as though something was missing. I still wasn't satisfied.
I'm not at a stage where I feel completely joyful or euphoric. my current mood is somewhat tired but at peace. I am learning to appreciate and balance once again life as a gift and a mission. Learning to just be with you and being content in the good works you have planned for me.
I still remember the last message P.Erin preached at EMMAUS (college group I went to at Yonsei while I was studying abroad). She preached that everything in life is temporary and if there was one thing we could takeaway it was to remember our commitment with God. That was 7 years ago - and I feel as though my faith has been tested like crazy since then. But I'm glad that my time here in Kanas is reminding me once again of what's truly important.
In group therapy today we talked about the fleeting nature of happiness. For some they want to hold onto the happiness and fear/avoid/deny the pain. For others the ups and downs of happiness and pain is too exhausting or disappointing that they rather just stay down or cynical. I have had both experiences in my life and hope now to accept that pain in life is inevitable so I won't have to be afraid of it. To be able to allow myself to enjoy the good times and persevere through the bad. And in it to find comfort in the one who remains steady and faithful through it all.
You will always be my joy.
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