Compassion Sunday 2015

Happy Compassion Sunday!!

Just wanted to share how legit Compassion is.
I've been sponsoring a child from India since Aug of 2011. At the time I was a broke college student and literally only had 26 cents in my bank account, but trusted that I would get the money to sponsor cause God lurrrvs the children! A week later I got an email for a part-time tutoring job.  And since then I've sponsored two more children, one from Bolivia and the other from Uganda.

In addition to the monetary sponsorship, I get write to them and get a letter from each one of them about every 2 months. and it's so encouraging to read their letters. especially if I had a long or hard day.

Divya (India, 10 years old)

She's so sweet, faithful, and studious. In each of her letters she tells me that she prays for me everyday!! which is impressive. haha I try to pray for her more but I forget. this little girl is a much better intercessor than I am. it's also super cool to hear from her some of the things she learns from her center and the things that she receives if I give her like an additional birthday, family, or Christmas donation  (dress, cake, money for school).

Jhon (Bolivia, 11 years old)

Jhon is also super sweet, smart, and so grateful. This what he wrote in one of the letters.
"I thank you for your beautiful letter, and that beautiful picture. I was so excited, I even cried, with the gift I bought a pair of tennis shoes and a pair of pants."

"My family and I are fine because the Lord is always taking care of his kids." <--- OH MAN. this sentence is so deep. had to meditate on this one.

George (Uganda, 10 years old)

George!! haha he cracks me up because he is so specific in his letters. He literally breaks down for me everything that he gets from the monetary gifts including what his mom bought with it and how much it costs. (bread, 30 kg of maize flour, a school bag, 3 soda bottles, sports wear, 10 bars of soap, 1kg of rice, salt, and balloons) it's amazing how much can be bought there with $20.


Sponsoring these children is literally the best thing I could do with my money and time.

If you want to sponsor a child and can commit to it. here's the link below. and a video that made me cry (a child and her family's reaction to finally receiving a sponsor)

  http://www.compassion.com/default.htm

https://vimeo.com/107082331

OH SNAP! CS LEWIS

“I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept his claim to be God. That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic — on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg — or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut him up for a fool, you can spit at him and kill him as a demon or you can fall at his feet and call him Lord and God, but let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about his being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.”

― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Birthday

​Dear God,

Thank you for a great birthday. I felt blessed and it was very relaxing. even though i spent the night watching how to train your dragon 2 and cleaning my room. I'm glad because it was very simple. I like simple and clean things. Things that are simple and clean but also beautiful. I hope to be that way too. 

I remember in high school on my birthday I got in trouble lying to my bio teacher. and that birthday I wrote this bitter entry about how birthdays are overrated and emotional because you expect it to be a great day and get disappointed when it's not. I think over the years maybe I repressed my desires and wants so deeply from the fear of disappointment that I don't even have a conscious access of them anymore. But you know me and you know my true heart. thank you that I felt loved today. 

I think over the years, especially when I've been hurt so much when I was younger by people, I guess I developed this internal sense that I can't trust people or that people don't like me or care about me. Alot of people that have wished me happy birthday at times I assumed that they don't like me when in fact it seems the opposite. alot of people who I thought forgot about me showed that they still consider me. even though people can say and do hurtful things. they can also surprise you in good ways. I was surprised and touched by people today. I hope to get to a point of true confidence and humility so that I can truly shine the way that you intended me to. and love the way that you have designed me to love. 

I struggle so much with love and other good things. but just because I struggle does not mean I have failed. To give up is to fail. But those who persevere will always have hope. They will rise out of the struggling with character and strength. 

For the things that truly matter.

Never Give Up. 

And thank you for never giving up on me these past 24 years

-Rebekah 

Still

Prayer room journaling. 


I come before you still.
Defeated, wounded, broken
quiet and weak
I have nothing much to offer you
But still I am here before you
Still I am here

Still I believe in you Jesus
I can't say that I have fully obeyed you
or loved you with all my heart
I can't say that I have always seeked you
But still I am here

I have failed many times
I have stumbled alot along the way
I have been bitter and discouraged
I have been foolish and wicked
But still I am here

Besides to you, where will I go?
Who else can I turn to?
Who else can save me LORD?
I am here before you
Do not turn your face from me
Restore my soul
Still you will finish the good work you began in me

I cannot promise you anything
But I rely on your promises
That you will never leave me or forsake me
Despite all the changes
Still you are here with me

Nothing can separate us and
as long as we are together
There is still hope.


---

 I would have to say that my time in grad school, for the past year and half, has been the longest most unfruitful, discouraging, and powerless spiritual season since my encounter with God and "transformation" in Korea, 2011.  I've been through times like this but never to this extent. I've stopped caring and lacked the desire to pursue. I have become complacent and cowardly. and in these past years there have been certain circumstances and disappointments in my life that I caused me to be struggle with some bitterness and unbelief. The worst feeling is that my passion for God will never be stirred up again. that this is just how my life will be from now on.

"Prayer warrior Rebekah" or "small group leader Rebekah" or "Rebekah who prays for healing" is no longer recognizable. instead replaced with thoughts like I can't believe I used to do that. I can't believe I was so loving at one point or bold. I can't believe I used to pray for hours. How the hell did I fast for 3 days, I can barely fast one meal now. I can't believe I used to read 20 chapters of the bible. when now I can barely read one chapter a week. who knew I would become like this...

God knew. and yet He still chose me.
God knew when I said I will always love you. that meant I will love you for a couple of months and then love something else more. God knew when I said your presence is better than food. that I would later on I would rather stuff my face than fast and pray for breakthrough.
God knew and yet He still loves me.

at retreats people would expect words of encouragements from me and in the past I would be like yeah I see this and this. on point. what not what not. but last year it was like uhhh sorry....I did not get anything for you....
or would you pray for healing? in the past breakthrough, miracles, faith increased! but now its like....sure.....[nothing happens].....uhhh....why don't you ask someone else....

I compare myself to the past alot. which is probably not helpful. focusing on the present is important. how God is working in me now. in my time of spiritual confusion.
over the years people have sensed more stability. I agree too. I feel alot more grounded. probably became more mature. deepened my roots. learning to persevere it out during the difficult times. learned to depend on God more. definitely was spiritually humbled.

but something still doesn't seem quite right. I feel stuck. and lost to be quite honest.

I was talking with someone I care alot about a month ago. she hadn't been going to church for awhile. there were alot of things about Christianity that turned her off and she was thinking about renouncing her faith in Jesus altogether. she seemed to agree more with the teachings of Buddha.
it's better than going to church and pretending, she said.

our commitment to the church and to Jesus is like a marriage. just because there isn't passion doesn't mean we should break the commitment. however, merely staying with someone for the sake of commitment and not experiencing any passion is not healthy either. we should experience a relatively continual state of enjoyment and passion within a commitment.

I honestly don't take stances on many things. I'm pretty objective most of the time and don't really have alot of strong opinions. I've been like the opposite of "crazy for Jesus" this past year. but I know this for sure. more sure than I know that the sun will rise tomorrow morning. that God is real. and He sent His son Jesus Christ to forgive us of our sins, so that we can be restored back to Him and be with Him forever. it's not a teaching that "works for me". but something that is true for the world. I still believe in Jesus. it doesn't matter how strong you are. as long as you still believe there is hope.

you can't force yourself to believe. you can't try to stir up passion on your own.

but if you cry out to God. He will help you. He will never leave or forsake you.

it literally took me like 2 minutes to get that last phrase out to her, I was bawling. because I think I need to hear that too. I need God's help now. to enjoy being with Him. to have that passion for the things that matter. watch. He will answer soon. of course soon for God could be very different from my definition of soon. but I know that as long as I keep crying out to God, He will answer.

Because He still loves me.

A Beautiful Story.

New chapters are being written

I want to go back to the old

I'm reading the past

not watching the present unfold

not caring what the future holds

I'm turning the pages backwards

Longing for the pages to come back to life

Trying to recreate them 

But they'll never be the same. 

I'm looking from the outside

Standing alone in the pages.

Crying cause things will never be this way again

And I wish my tears could wash away this part

I wish I could change this page

I wish I didn't give up here

I wish I never met you there

I wish I had ran away

I wish I had stayed. 

What if I had never quit dancing,

skating, painting, learning,

playing the piano.

Would I have been the next 

Da Vinci, Yuna Kim,

Chopin? 

It's too late to start again.

I wish I could rewrite these pages. 

Around me a little girl wakes up

She looks up at the stars

And wishes that time will go by fast

She can't wait to get her license 

to have her first kiss

to go to college

to have the freedom to make her own choices 

to become a woman. 

Did I appreciate these things? 

It all happened so fast.

I tell her that these things will happen soon

Not always in the way she expects

sometimes disappointing

but at times better than she imagines 

all these things will happen 

it'll happen soon.

One last wish I make

to surrender to the one who writes these pages

trusting that as I live out each chapter 

in all it'll be a beautiful story. 

The One You Are

And when all has passed away

I look to what remains 

And there before me, you stand 

Finally face to face

And everything that has passed

All of the hurt and the pain

You wipe my tears away 

And you tell me that now everything will be okay

And though right now this place is still the same

So far nothing has changed

Inside my heart is filled with peace

You have taken my mind away from the things that trouble me

Away from the distractions and the minute things

Of this world that will soon pass away

And there is nothing more beautiful than your love

In your presence I am in awe 

Of the One you are 

And there nothing more precious than the gift of eternal life

To be with you forever 

Forever you will reign 

My Father, My Prince of Peace, My Wise Counselor

---

And despite the circumstances I will hope in you

For those  who hope in you will never be disappointed. 

TOP Bigbang. I'm melting