Birthday

​Dear God,

Thank you for a great birthday. I felt blessed and it was very relaxing. even though i spent the night watching how to train your dragon 2 and cleaning my room. I'm glad because it was very simple. I like simple and clean things. Things that are simple and clean but also beautiful. I hope to be that way too. 

I remember in high school on my birthday I got in trouble lying to my bio teacher. and that birthday I wrote this bitter entry about how birthdays are overrated and emotional because you expect it to be a great day and get disappointed when it's not. I think over the years maybe I repressed my desires and wants so deeply from the fear of disappointment that I don't even have a conscious access of them anymore. But you know me and you know my true heart. thank you that I felt loved today. 

I think over the years, especially when I've been hurt so much when I was younger by people, I guess I developed this internal sense that I can't trust people or that people don't like me or care about me. Alot of people that have wished me happy birthday at times I assumed that they don't like me when in fact it seems the opposite. alot of people who I thought forgot about me showed that they still consider me. even though people can say and do hurtful things. they can also surprise you in good ways. I was surprised and touched by people today. I hope to get to a point of true confidence and humility so that I can truly shine the way that you intended me to. and love the way that you have designed me to love. 

I struggle so much with love and other good things. but just because I struggle does not mean I have failed. To give up is to fail. But those who persevere will always have hope. They will rise out of the struggling with character and strength. 

For the things that truly matter.

Never Give Up. 

And thank you for never giving up on me these past 24 years

-Rebekah