Closer Than You Know

Update from my last post: So I've been doing a lot better since my last depressing update lol
I was literally like God you have until tomorrow to heal me! or I'm leaving! and of course I stop throwing up the next day. haven't thrown up in over two weeks and feeling much better. just trying to live one day at a time and focus on my relationship with God, cause it's the most important relationship I'll ever have in my life.

I signed up for the IHOP prophetic ministry today. they put you in a group with two other people and have two people share words of encouragement with each person in the group. I really wasn't expecting anything and didn't really pray much before except that I needed encouragement.

These are the words (transcribed from the recording) from the first lady:

Okay so as I asked the Lord about you I felt like he was saying that you're a good worker in the physical but also you're a good worker for him and he loves the partnership that you have with him and that you are faithful 

and Ephesians 2:10 it speaks of having ordained you to "for you are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works which he has ordained before the foundation of the world for you" yeah that you are faithful and a faithful bride 

and I saw a picture of a meadow surrounded by trees but then there was this flat green area and you were standing in the middle of it with your hands up raised or your arms uplifted, your face turned towards the sun and the sun was shining down with this soft glow there's this soft mist around you speaking of peace

and so that's the relationship that he wants to have that you have with each other and just the peace and the love that is surrounding you, so he's just encouraging your heart with this, I am with you, you're not on this journey alone, you are partnering with me, it is my work that you've come into you know, so I just bless you with this

---

So when she said that I was a good worker I laughed on the inside cause I'm like the laziest person ever. but I remember in the past thinking about my name Rebekah, and how Rebekah in the bible was known to be hardworking (watering all them camels) and how that's the identity that's over me. I felt like what she was saying about the good works and the partnership is the spiritual identity that is my true identity spoken over me. That's what God sees, even though in the natural I'm not there yet. and the whole sun shining down and the peace is nice. sometimes I just sit outside in the sun and have those moments.

I thought her words were nice. I appreciated them. but not like whoa this is crazy. I had a feeling though that I was gonna cry with the next guy:

Guy: uh....I saw a Pegasus, does that mean anything to you? 
Me: It's like one of my favorite mythical creatures
Guy: Oh really? 
Me: yeah I would pray to God that in heaven I want, I hope I get a Pegasus
Guy: Oh really? wow, so see that was the first thing, so that shows how much the Lord knows you and he loves you, that you're one of a kind, you're unique, I felt like uniqueness, there could be a 100 Rebekah's in the room and you're that you outshine them all, that you're unique in who you are, and what you're called to do, the path that the Lord has set you on.

Isaiah 49:1-2: The Lord called me from the womb and from my mother's body he named my name he made my mouth like a sharp sword and in the shadow of his hand he's hid me, he's made me like a polished arrow and in his quiver, he's kept me close and concealed me

I see you as a woman of strength and beauty. that you're a woman of honor, and a woman of wonder. so let me just pray for you: Holy Ghost I thank you for Rebekah and who she is and the wonderful things that you have set for her to do and the path you have her on that things that you mapped out for her to do in this life, bless her in Jesus name, Amen.  

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When the guy said Pegasus, I was totally not expecting that. it was so random and so specific that it caught me off guard. I think as I explaining to him what Pegasus meant to me, tears were streaming down my face. I couldn't even pay attention to the rest of what he was saying, which was also encouraging. but I was so touched and surprised by the Pegasus.

I'm still trying to process why that was so meaningful to me. I guess cause with the prophetic words like most of what I got is encouraging but it sounds pretty similar to what I've gotten before. and parts of it can be generalized. not completely because as I was hearing the words for the other two people that were in the room with me, like their's wouldn't fit with me at all. so in some sense all of it was more specific to me, but the Pegasus was like mind-blowing. even more than if he had mentioned a sunflower. because I like sunflowers. they're nice. and God's been speaking to me these days through that symbol. but I reaaaalllly want a Pegasus. like seriously hoping for one in heaven (I have mentioned this to God a lot along with my room in heaven to have a Princess Jasmine balcony) and I actually believe that God will give me what I ask for in heaven. And I imagine myself flying around on Pegasus and it makes me so happy. And I find this to be a weird, random thought/belief that probably only I would have. I asked my friend afterwards what would it be like he had said that to her, if a Pegasus meant anything to her, and she was like it would have meant nothing.

I've gotten symbols through words of encouragement before like eagle and sunflower, even a cactus lol. but Pegasus was something special because it's so out there that it had to be more than just a coincidence. like even as the guy was saying it, he was like uh.....a Pegasus? it just reminded me how real God is and as the guy said, God really does love me and know me. and knows the desires of my heart. these days I feel like God has forgotten or been ignoring the desires of my heart. but hearing that showed me that God remembers. and it reminds me that even if I don't get everything I want in this life, I have a hope for eternal life. a life where I can fly around on my Pegasus.

In Revelation it talks about Jesus on a white horse and his army in heaven on white horses. I wonder if they have Pegasuses too. so maybe it's a real thing in heaven. Idk anyways. I feel like in this hectic at times mundane life, you feel like just a face among a billion others. that God has other more important things to focus on and more important or more godly people to attend to. how could he possibly remember your most obscure and intimate desires.

but you may find that he's closer than you know.

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