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I will remember you

Intercessory prayer is a funny thing...

I went to the IHOP prayer room today and on my way out I saw this sign for prayer requests and in it was a bunch of printed out prayer requests. The sign said to take one and pray for this person daily for a week. The first sheet in the stack was this prayer request of this person struggling with a blood disorder and has been depressed for months.

The word that stood out to me was depressed. as I too have been struggling with depression and this week in particular it has been at its all time worst. so I had compassion for this person who was also reporting to be depressed.

I took the sheet and told myself that I can't forget to pray for this person daily. And so I started praying on the car ride home before I had the chance to forget.

it's funny how in my weakest moments I stopped interceding for others. because my thoughts were that how could I pray for another person when I am barely hanging on myself. I have no strength or desire to carry the burdens of another person. 

But as I was praying for this person, afterwards I realized that all the things I prayed over this person were also the things that I should be praying over myself. it was as if praying for someone else gave me a new perspective on how I could be approaching my also seemingly hopeless situation. 

And one of the things I prayed for this person was that they would remember what God has done for them. That after God answers their prayer they would remember and give thanks.

it reminded me of a poem I wrote 5 years ago

Excitement turns to nostalgia
Anxiety to peace
The things we desire
Pass away in a blink of an eye
What we wait for in patience
Bursts like fireworks in the sky
Only for a moment

What we ask for we receive
To be forgotten, so that we may ask of more
But give thanks to the Lord
Never forget the good things He has done for you
For His love endures

His love endures
During blessings and sufferings
Give thanks in times of blessing
For it is what you desire
Give thanks in times of suffering
For it is what makes you grow

People come and go
The place you once called home
Is no longer yours
But God has never left you
For His love endures

Give thanks to the Lord
For He is good
His love endures forever


I think one of the Israelites greatest mistakes was that after God freed them from slavery in Egypt they soon forgot what he had done for them. They cried out to God for years and years to free them and then like goldfish they forgot! what they had been praying and contending for years, in a moment was gone. even after all the wonders and miracles they had witnessed. there was something new to complain about, something new to ask for. there will always be something else in life.

I am not one to judge them because I do the very same things. I can only learn from their mistakes. And so I went through and proclaimed all the answered prayers that I could think of:

I will remember you
that you answered my prayers for my stomach issues. I can now eat normally and have the energy to do things.
I will remember you

I will remember you
that you answered my prayers for clear skin. I struggled with acne for 9 years. but now it's a lot better.
I will remember you

I will remember you
that you answered my prayers to pass comps and proqual and get matched for internship
I will remember you

etc.

The acne one really gets to me cause I remember looking at myself in the mirror and crying and thinking that if only I had clear skin I would be happy. And praying for years for my acne to go away. and once God answered. I was grateful for like 1 sec and then had something else to cry about.

Right now I have been contending for something for years as well. and it has caused a lot of pain in my life. that at times I feel as though I have been abandoned by God. because after each year goes by and the pain does not subside, it becomes more and more hopeless.

The second to last stanza in the poem amazes me

People come and go
The place you once called home
Is no longer yours
But God has never left you
For His love endures

because when I wrote that in 2012, I had no idea that I would be leaving Maryland the place I once called home. and would be losing and gaining friendships. I had no idea that I would be leaving California and feel so alone in Kansas. and to feel as though I don't have a place to call home. 

but as I was reading the intro to the book of Matthew yesterday. something really stood out to me. It said "At the beginning of the book, Jesus is given the name Immanuel, meaning 'God with us.' At the end, Jesus sends his followers onto the world with the promise that surely I am with you always."

God is with us from the beginning to the end. Always. In this fallen world, it is only he who can promise that. no one else.

this has been one of the most painful weeks of my life but also the best thing that has ever happened to me. because through it I was desperate in seeking God.

I have faith that God will answer my prayer. because I have no other option than to have unwavering faith. but more important than the answered prayer. is to remember the one who is always with me.

I will remember you.