Thailand Pre-Departure

wow.....I have so much to say about this trip. it's gunna be hard to condense it down to a readable level. but here I go!!!

Around this time last year I was having discipleship with Lisa Kwak and she was telling me about her mission trip to Thailand. I don't know if it was the Thai tea that she gave me or my desire to ride elephants, but when she told me that our church was considering to send a team to Thailand in the winter, I was like I WILL GO!

Sometimes there are moments in my life when I know I have to do something. Those times are rare because most of the time I'm pretty indecisive or I don't care and go with the flow. but sometimes I just know.

And I knew that I was going to Thailand.

By the grace of God a team was eventually set up - with an amazing team leader! Grace Yoo (please pray for increased patience, wisdom, anointing, and love over her) and I had an opportunity for sure to go.

Then came of course the obvious obstacle of finances. The trip cost $2,064 and when I decided to go, I had about $100? heh heh ^_^"

I am senior now in college, about to graduate and enter the "real world" so the thought of money has somewhat been stressing me. I joke around with my parents that I will live under their roof forever.
"You know why they call us the boomerang generation?" I asked my dad.
"why?"
"because you'll throw us out, but we'll always return :D HAHAHAHAHA"

he didn't find it very funny.....

That was when I realized that I really had to trust in God. the idea that "He will always provide for me" no longer could be something that I told others to do or believed vaguely in my mind as a backup plan. I had to believe it and claim it as the truth. cause now life actually depended on it.

My very supporting asian mother scoffed at this truth. How is this invisible being supposed to provide for my very tangible needs. Even though it was out of her love for me, her words of care (nagging) began to test my faith in this truth that God will provide for all my needs. I began to wonder how? Was money just going to fall out of the sky?

I think if God really wanted to. He could make it rain money. However, He chose to touch my heart with the generous support of my family in Christ. I was also able to gain more students at my tutoring job. And even though my dad said that he wasn't going to give me any more money, somehow God always placed on his heart to deposit money into my account for my living expenses.

Still. less than week before the payment deadline, I was short $958 of the $2,064.  I already told my parents with confidence that I was going to show them that God will take care of it, so it's not like I could come to them tail between my legs asking them to cover the rest. I had to stay firm and continue to trust in Him.

A couple days ago I got an email from our team leader.

Hey guys,

This only applies to those of you who have balance due. 

Eli and I discussed it and decided that it is best for you to pay the balance AFTER the trip. You may receive more donations and support while we are on the missions field. 

Any questions, let me know. Thanks!

Love,
Grace

YAYY ^__^
so if after reading the testimonies from this trip. if you feel led to donate there is information to do here.
http://rebeso1.blogspot.com/2012/10/paypal-safer-easier-way-to-pay-online.html

God is so good. If you accept His son Jesus Christ who restores our relationship with Him.
He is not out to get you, but He is for you.

About two weeks ago at our team meeting, we went around and shared how we were doing spiritually and what our prayer requests were. As I heard the stories of my team members, I began to see that so much was at stake for this trip: restoration for families, spiritual renewal , financial breakthrough, future callings, academics.

For me personally, I want to set aside all fear and hindrances. To once again hear and obey the voice of the Holy Spirit. For the Holy Spirit to lead my life as it did before (in a greater way!). To move on from past mistakes and not push everything off into the future, but recognize the opportunity for God to use me in a mighty way now.  I also want to this trip to revive my hunger to spend more time in prayer and in the presence of God.

As we are in Thailand from December 31st to January 14th. please partner with us in prayer for:
-team unity and deep love for one another
-our team leaders Grace Yoo and Peter Kim
-outpouring of love and hope for the children at the Jasper Kids center and Agape home (children with HIV/AIDS who have been abandoned by their parents)
-for effectiveness and a spirit of creativity and wisdom as we lead VBS activities, skits, and teach English
-protection over our health. supernatural energy (we will be waking up at 5am every morning)
-those who will be preaching (P.Josh Kim or Alex D.) to speak with the power of the Holy Spirit
-many teams have gone to Thailand before. pray that we will reap the seeds that they have sown and that we may sow seeds for future teams.
- we would see the power of prayer. that we would see signs, miracles, and wonders
-we would have an increased faith and believe in the power of the name of Jesus Christ
-overall for the light that comes through Jesus Christ to penetrate and transform the land of Thailand

As I am in Korea from January 15th- January 22nd. please pray that
-I would have divine appointments and encounters
-God will speak through me to refresh my friends and family members there
-God would anoint me with His Spirit as I go on prayer walks
-that I would be reminded of everything God has taught me in Korea and that we would have increased intimacy
-that a possible GLDI Korea reunion would go smoothly
-my time there would be filled with joy!


I hope that we all would be blessed and transformed by the events that will unfold on this trip. that we would all taste and see that God is good and all-powerful. that we will begin the new year with a new perspective, a new hunger. Joy would come in the morning. A great light would fill our hearts and empower us to change the world around us.

THAILAND! IT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN.

Overdramatic

Brushing my teeth when I hear these dramatic NOOOOOOO!!!s coming from my roomie's room. 

Me: What's wrong?? (concerned)

Roomie: I brushed my teeth and then I found a little bit of rice krispie left TT.TT

Me: oh my gawd.........-__-

A small extra fee

In the car with my family

Me: You're studying abroad in Ghana?! is it covered in your tuition?
Sister: Yeah I think so....I just have to pay a small extra fee
Me: oh how much?
Sister: um........Idk.....
Dad: $4,000
Me: ahahahaahahahahahahaha what!! how is $4,000 a small extra fee?!

My terrible daughter

The day my mom found out about my back tattoos....

Mom: go upstairs and wear a tube top and come down
Me: why?
Mom: so I can take a picture and post it on the Internet with the caption "my terrible daughter"
Me: HAHAHAHA never.

Repentance from the Future

Every year I look back on my old self and can't help but think "man, Rebekah last year was messed up" as the Holy Spirit is renewing me daily, I'm shedding alot of my old identity and putting on the new. God has changed the way I look, dress, act, speak, think, etc. He's taken away bitterness and replaced it with joy. Instead of chasing after worldly things for satisfaction, I can come into His presence to be filled. How I use my time has changed. My relationships with people have changed. Everything is changing into the person God intended me to be.

And then I wonder how different I will be a year from now. 

Pastor Ben Shin, from GLDI, told us that one of the most important prayers that we can pray is "LORD, have mercy on us" I heard a bajillion things during hours and hours of lectures and sermons during my 40 days there, but this phrase really caught my attention. He didn't really explain much why it was important, so I wanted to know. I asked Holy Spirit to give me greater revelations on this prayer.

Sometimes we live in sin and we either don't know, don't care, care but feel powerless. Growing up I've definitely experienced all three attitudes, and when I look back at my past self sometimes I'm horrified with the things that I've done. And the crazy thing is that some of the things that now I would never do, back then I thought that it was perfectly okay. I was so blinded and numb to so many things that were breaking God's heart and was leading me to destruction. 

But the moment God opened my eyes, and I started repenting, things started to change. It's like I could see things clearly and felt God smiling on me. I began to hunger and thirst for His righteousness. However, repentance isn't always something we do. Maybe because we are too prideful or blind to even know that we need to repent of. Maybe because we just don't want to or care enough. Maybe we don't even know how to repent.  

God gave me an interesting revelation about a year ago through the book "Heaven is for Real" that God is not bound by time. Growing up I always knew that, but the book really made me think about it in terms of prayer. We pray for our future selves alot, but we hardly ever pray for our past selves. However, if God is not above time, He sees us in the past, us now, and us in the future. 

I started praying for my past self more. At first it was mostly to help past Rebekah from discouragement. If I was going through a difficult situation I knew that there was someone in the future praying for me, someone who knew how the situation would turn out. It gave me a lot of peace cause I knew that everything was going to be okay. 

Lately, I've been taking it further to repentance. Interceding for my past self because at the time she was not spiritually mature enough to understand that what she was doing was wrong. Asking God to have mercy on her and be patient with her. And from that I've learned that wow...God's love never changes. He loved me then, He loves me now (even though future Rebekah is probably like I'm so messed up now), He loves me in the future.  Cause he sees all of me. I'm probably not doing some things that I'm supposed to now or I'm doing some things wrong, but I know that future Rebekah is repenting on my behalf and asking God to open my eyes. I'm thankful for His patience and His mercy. I can also wait for when God will open my eyes to see what I need to do. I trust that He is answering those prayers and the things that I am struggling with now, I know that He will help me overcome them. I know that He loves me and that He is pleased with me. He will bring me to my destiny, that is to be with Him forever. 

In the past however, I didn't have that kind of confidence. In fact, many times I felt so far away from God. Sin blocks the fellowship we have with God. it's real stuff because even though I had a relationship with God, in the past because of sin I felt that wall, distance, emptiness, and sadness. We are powerless if we are not obeying His commands and having an intimate fellowship with Him. When we don't confess, we can't change from doing things that are not pleasing to God, we become doubtful and we lack confidence in our fellowship with God.  But repentance frees us. When we say sorry I messed up, it was my fault, please forgive me, I want to change. We can accept His forgiveness and be renewed through the Holy Spirit! 

As I write this, I'm also reading a journal entry from a year ago. I was so lost during that time. Discouraged. Ashamed and felt abandoned. Yet for some reason I kept holding onto to God's love for me. I knew then that even though at the time I was pretty much useless in the kingdom of God, future Rebekah is doing some damage. God is be proud of her. He sees her and me at the same time. In my journal last year I wrote this "What does it truly mean to be humble and repent." Though she may not understand then, I will pray for her now. And I believe that God will hear it and will lead her to the truth. He already has. 

Dear God,

Please be patient with that girl. Please be kind to her. She doesn't know that what she's doing is wrong. She doesn't know how much it breaks your heart and how it's leading her to destruction. Before things get worse please open her eyes to see and her ears to listen to You. Sometimes she doesn't want to listen. She says she'll get it together later. Please put the fear of the LORD in her heart. Even if she doesn't care or if she's too prideful to admit it, please have mercy on her. I'm sorry for what she's doing. Please help her change. She's afraid to let go of certain things. Help her to trust in you. Forgive her for all the excuses she makes and her pride. It's her fault, help her to own up to it.  She feels so far from you, but please help her endure. Remind her that Your love for her never changes, even if she feels as though she is undeserving of it. Your love never changes. 

Love,

Rebekah 

It's a book!

I finally compiled all the blog posts and into a book.
I have no idea why it's so expensive.......the color pictures?? ^__^"



http://www.lulu.com/shop/rebekah-so/120-days/paperback/product-20520904.html

Your love never fails

Father when it seems as though I’m stuck

Unsure of what is right and what is wrong

I am reminded of your love

And all I can do when I make mistakes

Is not to succumb to shame

But to love you more

Your love never fails

The more I love you, the more I become like you

And then all the things that I do, will naturally be pleasing to you

Confidence in Christ

I.                    What do we place our confidence in?

a.       Money, job security, economic status

b.      Looks, clothes, makeup, beauty, physical fitness

c.       Personality, charm, popularity, reputation

d.      Intelligence, grades, GPA

II.                  What is true confidence?

a.       False confidence: focusing on yourself

b.      True confidence: focusing on how God sees you

c.       Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

III.                How has this truth been distorted in our past?

a.       Lies/hurtful words from parents, teachers, friends, enemies, etc.

b.      Comparing yourself with others.

                                                               i.      Envy: wanting what someone else has.

                                                             ii.      Jealously: being afraid that what you think you have will be taken away from you

c.       Negative self image: appearance, race, personality, etc

IV.                How have these negative words/thoughts/events affect our relationship with others?

a.      Hurt people hurt others

                                                               i.      Using words that have hurt us to tear down others: James 3:6,9 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness.

                                                             ii.      Insecure about ourselves: paranoid of protecting our reputation

                                                            iii.      Cannot trust others because fear that they will hurt us

V.                  How has Jesus set us free from this negative cycle?

a.       He is our healer and redeemer

                                                               i.      He restores our identity back to our Father. We are now sons and daughters of the Living God!   2 Corinthians 6:18 "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty." God is now the one who looks out for us, we don’t need to protect ourselves.

                                                             ii.      On the cross, He took away every single lie from us and gave us the truth. When God turned His back on Jesus, he took away the lie that we were meant to apart from God and gave us the truth that we will be with Him forever.

VI.                What is the good news for us now?

a.       We can live in freedom! 2 Corinthians 3:17 “where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom”

b.      We can live by the fruits of the Holy Spirit: Galatians 5:22-23

c.       We can FORGIVE others: Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

d.      Healed people heal others: now we can speak life and truth to others

e.      We can love others: Mark 12:31 “Love your neighbor as yourself” 

                                                               i.      You cannot love others if you have not received love from God and have embraced who you are.

VII.              We must live in this truth daily and make it our foundation.

a.       John 15:4 “Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”

b.      Matthew 7:24-27 (The wise and foolish builders) Jesus must be our rock, our firm foundation!

Eat like a sexy lady

At a buffet.

Me: nom nom nom
Mom: eat more like a lady. sexayyyy laydayyyyy (sang it gangnam style)

*dropped my fork.
nooo............!!! my mother did not just say that

Halloween is always on a Wednesday

Eating at Moa

Me: Halloween's on a Wednesday this year right
Liz: Yeah, Halloween is always on a Wednesday
Me: mmm....wait what? HAHAHAHAHA no it's not
Liz: ohh I was thinking about Thanksgiving

Trust in His Promises

In the book I read yesterday a little kid asked God for a rainbow and the next day he saw one. I haven't seen a rainbow in forever so I asked God for a rainbow too. Throughout the whole day I didn't see one and as it got dark, I was kinda disappointed. But then just now I was watching one of kevjumba's videos and at the end of his video there was a huge rainbow. In fact there were two.

God answers your prayers and fulfills His promises in ways that you would never expect. Trust Him. Be patient and faithful and you'll receive double portions ;]

Remember

March 2, 2012

Dear Rebekah,

"I am ready to believe the best of every person. My faith is not in them but in God's love."

Always remember who you are. God has given you a kind heart. Believe the best in people even when the world hates them and mistreats them. Share God's love to the broken-hearted and oppressed. Do not be naive but sharp-minded, full of grace and compassion. Remember that wisdom is your friend and to embrace sufferings with joy. Goodness and love will follow you wherever you go. Remember how real God is and how much you love Him and how much more He loves you. He has plans not to give you harm but a hope and a future. To prosper you. Do everything that He says.

If you live by your ways. Things will never go the way you want and you will be disappointed. But if you live by God's ways, you will get everything you desire and you will never cease to be amazed. Remember that everyday is to give God glory. We were created to give Him glory. We were made for glory. God knows you better than you know yourself, so trust Him with all your heart. Trust that His plans for you are good because He is faithful and good. He has been faithful to you in the past for the very purposes that you will discover in the future. Remember to thank Him always.

Love, Rebekah

P.S.
Don't give up.
Love never fails.

Oh how He loves us so

I'm desperate for your attention
I'm desperate for your love
I'm desperate for you to see me
Can you see me Lord?

Is it true that you love me?
Is it true that you died for me?
Is it true that you can see me?
Is it true Lord?

I'm clinging on you Lord
I'm never letting go
Until you know my name
Until you know who I am

I'm nobody of importance
Nobody knows my name
I want to be somebody
I want to be somebody to you Lord

I'm clinging on you Lord
I'm never letting go
Until you bless me
Until you bless me Lord

I want to be special
I want to be someone special to you Lord
I want to be precious
Precious to you Lord

You tell me that I'm precious
So precious to you Lord
You tell me that you love me
Enough to die for me

You say that when you see me
Your heart beats a little faster
You say that when you see me
You are captivated by me

You tell me that I'm beautiful
You tell me that I'm pure
You tell me not to question
You tell me to believe your love

To believe that you love me
Believe that you care
To go tell the others
The things I already know

I know that you love me
That in your eyes I am precious
I'll tell another daughter
That she's precious in your eyes

I'll lift up the broken-hearted
Set them free from the lies
Speak the truth in love
How much you love us

The Power of Caring

Growing up, I considered myself to be a caring person. I was always the one listening to my friends' problems and taking on their burdens. But over the years, as those who I cared about betrayed me or took me for granted, I began to become more cynical. I began to believe the lie that in this world no one actually cares about others. Everyone only cares about themselves and they only pretend to care about another person when they can get something out of that person.

Sometimes we pray things like "help me to love" to God without understanding how He will teach us these things. Sometimes we don't expect Him to teach us something through our pain and tears.

Lately, God has been teaching me about the power of caring. But it definitely hasn't been easy.
I have been confronted with how little I care about others because of my selfishness, laziness, and fear. I honestly don't care about that person's issues, I don't care enough to do something about it, and I'm afraid that if I do care, that person will just end up not appreciating me anyways.

I broke down crying in bible study today. how embarrassing. because I realized the heart of the problem was that I forgot just how much God cares about me. Everything that I do must overflow from what I receive from God. and I haven't been able to care for others because I'm so focused on taking care of myself without being able to see how much God cares for me and how He's placed people in my life who genuinely care for me.

I remember one time it was pouring outside and I didn't have an umbrella. While a friend and I were waiting in the Chick-fil-A line I told him that by the time I get my food and walk out, the rain is going to stop. He asked me how I knew this, and I told him it was because I prayed to God that the rain would stop by the time I get my food.  He gave me a weird look and said "I think God has bigger things to worry about"

but back then I had that kind of faith that God loved me and cared for me. there are alot of things that I'm sure are more "important" but still God's love for me is that great. He sees me even though I'm so small because I am valuable to Him. and sure enough right when I walked out, the rain had completely stopped.

I had forgotten just how much God cares for me. yes He cares for those around me. those who I will be serving in ministry and caring for. but I will only end up frustrated with myself and them if I don't have my foundation in God. before I learn how to care for others, I must first realize how much He cares for me.

it took me many mistakes to realize that I am not going to get that care from guys that will come and go.

it took me awhile to understand that my dad cares for me by feeding me and my mom cares for me by buying me clothes and nagging me.

and it took me to the point of brokenness to see how much God cares for me. that though He is the God of the universe He is mindful of me. He looks after me and is concerned about me. deep down I think it's everything that we ever wanted and needed. to matter to someone.

I must remember this. no matter what I'll go through. I know that everything is going to be okay.
because I have an Almighty God who cares for me.

Oh how He loves us so.

The story of the dog and his master

One day a dog fell in a dried up well. The dog thought, "OH NO! I need to call my master to help me!" So he made noises for his master to hear. The master heard, and he came. To save his dog, the master decided to add more dirt into the well so that the dog can stand on a higher ground and more come out more easily.

However from the dog's perspective, it didn't look right. He thought, "What is my master doing!? :'( He's trying to kill me by burying me?!" So the dog continued to bark and try to speak to his master, but his master seemed to add dirt to the well even faster.

The dog was disappointed, but he decided to stay strong. Whenever dirt fell on him, he shook it off. Some time later, there was enough dirt added to the well for the dog to jump out of it. When he came out of the well, the dog wanted to ask his master, "Why did you try to kill me?" but he realized he was foolish when he was greeted by his OVERJOYED master, who had been working so hard to save him.

I LOVE this story. Sometimes I think we can feel this way. When troubles come our way, we might think, "What is GOD doing???" BUT, we need to "shake it off" and stay strong!!! =]

God be our solution

More, more, more!
it's never enough
Build higher!
Get larger!
Become smarter!

We will make our names great among the earth
and rule over all things
No fear of God in us
We are our own kings

More, more, more!
We toil under the sun
toil our own destruction
We serve our own master: money
cursed be this land, all living creatures
use all things for our own gain
Is there no end to this?
Is there no solution?

Or is it true that one man
can fix all of this?
Who is he who makes all things new?
Jesus, we wait for you.

How to Trust

We didn't trust you
but instead in our own ways
We thought we were building a tower
instead of a pit for us to fall into
Look at this mess we made LORD
this mess we made
What can we do now
We have nowhere to turn, but up
Our hope is in you LORD
Our hope is in you
You are the only hope for us all

How to trust
When we've hurt so much
Teach us our ways
Your unfailing promises
Who can we trust but you LORD?
Who can we trust
in a world where people hurt so much

We trust you to change us
to be trustworthy ones
Rebuild the trust LORD
Restore us to the truth

A Distant Memory

Is it better to hurt?
or not feel at all
You try and try
and try
for nothing at all
Was it love?
or just a dream
Someone who once meant the world to me
Soon became but a distant memory

While we were still sinners, Christ died for us

Their hearts are far from You
Eyes filled with malice
Mouths full of anger and lies
They spit at you
Though the sun declares who You are
They have darkened their eyes from knowing You
Why should you even care?
Just destroy them all and show them
that You are who You say You are

But You are slow to anger
Compassionate and abounding in love
You have come not to condemn the world
But to save it
They hate you, yet you still died for them
While my own father was once your enemy
You loved him and saved him
Perhaps in that crowd there are those
who will one day come to know You
Who will repent for their unbelief
Perhaps they will have children
who will praise Your Name.

In a dream

You told me to build an ark
I said how LORD?
You gave me instructions to build an ark
I said I would need supplies to build the ark
And I would need more people
You gave me people to build an ark
But I fought with them and left

Then I was lonely and asked you to help me
You told me to surrender my life
And I said that I would
You brought back people in my life
And we began to build the ark

But every time we tried
Some would argue about how to build it
Some would take the provisions
and keep them for themselves

You told us to build an ark to save us
Yet we disobeyed
When the flood comes only the faithful remain

But you promised us that you would not destroy us
And so you sent your son to teach us how to build this ark
But we took your son and killed him
We wanted to do things our own way

Yet death could not hold him down
He destroyed their arks and built One that would last forever

Where is that ark now?
Hovering over us.
How will we find it?
We must die to ourselves
Admit that there is no one who is good but You, God
Step into the center of Your will
Fight with faithfulness and love

The ark has already been built for us
We must choose to believe
And when the time comes
As fast, strong, and powerful as a whirlwind
Those arks will come crashing down
And then we will be able to eat with the LORD.

She's a rice-ist

Setting: restaurant at a beach on Jeju Island

nom nom nom. eating eating eating...
"well I guess none of us are going to be taking off our shirts at the beach....."

ahahahahaha.

Ann takes off her belt so she can eat some more. We notice that she's not eating any of her rice.

"Ann why aren't you eating your rice?"
Ann: "Cause I don't like purple rice, I only like white rice"

Tina: "yeah, she's a rice-ist"

ahh....goodtimes...

What happens to this vowel

Setting: Korean class

Teacher: [points to symbol on the chalkboard and asks student] What happens to this vowel?
Student: It's replaced.
Teacher: No it's not replaced. It's dropped and then you add another vowel in its place.

awkward silence.....wait a min.....ahahaha....

Fire Alarms are no joke

It was a quiet Friday morning. I was chillin in my room looking up ideas for my psychology research topic and then all the sudden I hear the fire alarm go off. They have so many fire drills in Walker apts so usually my roomie Esther and I just ignore them ^_^"

I walk into Esther's room (she just woke up)
Me: You going outside? 
Esther: I don't know should we....what if it's a real fire?
Me: nahh...it's probably just another drill. 
Esther: they shouldn't have so many fire drills cause then when it's a real fire we won't take it seriously
Me: I know right! omg that's a great psychology research topic. yayyyyy I found one.

go back on my computer and look up research related to fire drills. while I'm doing this I happen to see through my window three cop cars pull into the parking lot. uh oh.......

run into Esther's room.
Me: Esther! Esther! why are there actual cops in the parking lot?!
we both huddle by her window. the cops are telling the people in the parking lot to back away from the building.
Me: uh ohh....what if this is serious... 
Esther: no.. but look they are near the other building over there, so at least it's not our building. 
Me: mmmm okay

Fire alarm turns off. Oh I guess it was nothing. Go back to my room, look up research on this topic and I can't find anything. while I'm searching I hear a loud siren from a fire truck. oh noo.......

run back into Esther's room. Esther! do you hear that!!
We peek out the window. oh nooo oh nooo it better not turn into our parking lot. 
it does. and parks right in front of our building.

about five more cop cars show up. and another fire truck.
the fire fighters and police officers are gathered on the sidewalk right in front of our window and talking with serious faces.

at this point we are freaking out.
omg omg what are we going to do! ahhh we can't go out now. that's so embarrassing cause then they'll know that we were hiding in here and ignored the fire alarm!! 

we're peaking through our blinds. discussing our options..i smell something unpleasant...
me: omg Esther you didn't even brush your teeth yet....
Esther: I just woke up! 

while we are talking we see the fire fighters carrying axes and heading into our building. and then a few seconds later somebody is banging on our door really loudly.

ahhhhhhhhh what do we do, what do we do!!! 

Esther and I run to our door. Esther's peeking out of that tiny hole in our door.
Me: Okay okay. this is what we'll do. when they're gone. we'll run out into the hallway and exit through the back door. 
the voices outside fade.
Me: is the coast clear?
Esther: yeah

I open the door and as soon as I open it a fire fighter is RIGHT in front of me. I literally almost run into him. SHOCK. o.O he kindly tells us that we need to evacuate.

oh okay ^__^" sorry. excuse me. we awkwardly walk around him and run into two other fire fighters coming up the stairs. oh excuse me ^_^;; try to take the back door but it's blocked. so we need to exit through the front door where EVERYBODY is watching and awkwardly walk past the crowd of fire fighters and police officers.

We still haven't found out what happened in our building...but I think we both learned our lesson today.

Fire Alarms are no joke.

Father's Love

My dad is an engineer. He makes well over 100K a year, but you would never know by looking at him. He drives old, used cars and wears shoes with holes in them. Where does all his money go?

On his three precious daughters.

My family helped me move in yesterday and I forgot a few things. My dad went out and bought me a $170 worth of groceries and then I asked him if he could bring me my pillow, keyboard, and GRE book from the house tomorrow on his way to work.

Last night Esther Cho was asking me about prayer. Why do we need to ask God for things? Shouldn't He already know what we want and need?

I said a bunch of things, but the answered that satisfied her was: God knows what we want but He allows us to ask so that He can answer. so that we would be thankful and our faith in Him increased.

Yesterday I asked my dad for a pillow, my keyboard, and GRE book. and today he brought this.
my pillow, keyboard, GRE book, 2 floor lamps, light bulbs, a toaster, knifes, containers, towels, BBQ sauce, soy sauce, spatula, coffee, Brita filter, printer paper, my sketchbook...

I asked him for three things. and he gave me so much more. and the crazy thing is, the things he brought were exactly the things I needed even though I didn't ask for them. yesterday while my family was helping me unpack. I was like oh noo my chicken needs BBQ sauce. and he heard that and remembered!

 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

The passage above from Matthew 7 in the bible brings me so much hope and joy! because if my dad gives like this. how much more will God give!! I can't even imagine, but I know alot of good things are in store for me!! so excited. mwhaahahahahaahahaha

some people may think that giving too much spoils children. but it's not about the amount that's given, but the attitude of that child. I think God wants to pour out His blessing on us, but at times He doesn't because He knows that it may ruin some of us. He wants His children to have character and be grateful.

but if you give thanks for everything. then He can give us more ^_____^

there were times when my parents did not seem like the best. times when they hurt me and were frustrating. but it was during those times I thanked God for them. when I believed that because God is good and He knows what He's doing, He has given me the BEST parents.

and God is super faithful. I think He saw my heart during those times and my faith in His goodness. He heard my prayers and those who have prayed for me (thank you!!!) and He opened the heavens over my life.

cause today my mom is also taking me shopping ^____^

"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."

but I know this too. I am blessed to be a blessing onto others. that's why God can bless me. I prayed that I would do onto others what He has done for me. that I would sacrifice for others with joy.

God is good. don't ever complain, but thank Him every single day.
I'm sure if His people had asked Him nicely and were patient,
they would have enjoyed a land flowing with milk and honey.

Day 39

Today we got a whole day to have TAWG (time alone with God)
like 8 hours of free time basically!!

here at GLDI we learned how to manage our time wisely...
yet I don't know how time just goes by so quickly for me. like literally I don't know what I did in the last 8 hours that made it go by so fast. I planned to catch up on reading and other things. but here's what I remember from my day.

I went in to do an interview (with video cameras and everything)
apparently what I said was good but my eyes kept doing crazy wandering while I was talking.
here's the final video. puahaha my voice is in it, but not my face

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlgLoNnb_ms&feature=plcp

then I had talking time with Dr. Kim and I told him how I wanted to blow up counseling (in a good way) and I told him what his wife told me ahahaha (what she thought about secular counseling)... and he was like what?! he has never heard her use that kind of language before... mmm I feel so special...

I also told him about how I learned in government class in high school about how Alaska is one of the wealthiest states in this nation...which surprised me back then cause I thought all there was in Alaska was snow...and then I asked him (since he was the economic advisor to I believe two? of the governors in Alaska) if he had anything to do with this. he explained to me about oil and fish and other things, but then he smiled, eyes twinkling, and said "maybe"

I am blessed that this very accomplished man laid down his life for a bunch of college students. I hope that I too would have God's favor on my life and that I would prosper in whatever I do and that everything and everyone around me would be blessed. soar on eagle's wings. shhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaa

and then I was supposed to spend time with God. but I ended up mmmm "resting" in His presence. literally.
I cleaned my room ahaha. and then I was like lemme just lie down on my bed for a min. and next thing I know I'm waking up for dinner.

For evening session Dr. Kim spoke about how he overcame cancer (the rare kind of lymphoma). he also wrote about this in his book Winter & Me. check it out.

but yeah....wow so I was sick for a day and I made a huge deal about it...I can't image having to go through chemo and other painful things for an entire year. but he was able to endure the pain and fight it with God's strength. and although people around him were dying and his chance of living wasn't likely.
he knew he was going to live.

because apparently during that time. God gave him a vision for GLDI.
and he knew that God's visions always come through.

GLDI. I wonder why God really wanted this institute to be created. and maybe years from now I'll realize how blessed I was to be a part of it.

Day 38

Monday July 30th 2012

Today Dr. Soon Ja Choi spoke about using resources wisely. ahaha she's sucha cute grandma. she's a doctor (probably loaded) but she's wearing an entire outfit that costs less than $10. she buys most of her clothes at garage sales and gives her money away. wow....amazing.

I've been thrifting these days too. except I'm not sure if it actually saves money or if I've spending the same amount ^_^" but I shall make a commitment to continue giving. DONT FORGET.
it's better to give than to receive. I hope this is true.

but yeah she talked about how we waste so much. and I remember I was reading the pamphlet about the animal farms and I was so upset that I almost became a vegan! but I'm a natural carnivore (literally the doctor said my body type is red: the type that craves meat).

I realized that the realistic (or preferred) solution is not to stop eating meat. it's to stop wasting meat. that way meat production can be reduced and the animals won't have to suffer so much TT.TT

always this world, especially this country is about excess! abundance is good, when you have the resources for it. but when your resources are scarce then we gotta manage it well or pray that God will overflow.

For afternoon session I think Dr. Choi was going to share her testimony but she began with asking our generation for forgiveness (because of the mistakes that the first generation have made) and then she was so overwhelmed that she couldn't continue speaking. wow..so powerful. my heart just ajfafjalkfjaljga.

I know that the first gen hurt us alot. growing up with the cultural barrier and miscommunications. yeah at times I thought I was going to go crazy. but it's in the past now. I forgive my parents. and I also need to ask forgiveness from them because the second gen: we've been disrespectful and spoiled. we never been through wars, famine. never knew what it means to have to work hard for survival. never learned to appreciate.

I think God really wants to reconcile our relationships as Rev. Danny also mentioned. it's going to take alot of patience and understanding. and prayer. but it can be done! DONT FORGET.

Lastly Ms. Chong-Ae Shah came to talk to us about IJM (International Justice Mission) and the work that they do. destroying the works of darkness in this world!

I love this poem. I read it in one of the Chicken Noodle Soup books.
ack I wish I knew what the title of it was. but basically it's this person asking (or complaining) to God why He let all this injustice in the world happen and why He's not doing anything about it. and at the end of the poem God answers something along the lines of I did do something about it. I created you.

alot of people can talk about injustice this and that. but not alot of people actually do something about it.
I pray that I would be one of the people who actually do.

goodnight.

Day 37

Sunday July 29th 2012

Today we went to Sarang Church. ahhhhh it was so awesome. apparently it's one of the biggest Korean churches in the nation.

Rev. Stephen Chong spoke. I love it when he speaks. he was trained under a prodigy black minister. so he's real passionate when he preaches and it's on point. can I get an amen.

What he spoke about was really similar to what we saw in the Father of Lights movie. basically about the presence and power that we carry.

mmmhmm when I go to a place. I bless it. I bless the land. The daughter of God is here! to destroy darkness and bring the light wherever I go. better watch out!

realizing the authority that you have really changes your perspective on alot of things. and perspective is very powerful. I also used to be somewhat fearful though that if I am destroying the works of the enemy, I have a target on my back. in fact that's probably why many pastors, missionaries, believers get spiritually attacked.

but I found the secret. mwahahahahaha. if you spend time in the presence of God daily. you are safe! His presence is like a shield for us. can't afford to go one day without being in His presence.

can't touch me. nananananaananananananaa.

He prepares a table for me in the presence of my enemies :)

after church we go to Dr. Chun's house for a pool party/BBQ!!! oh myyyyyyyy it was so funnnn and I'm gaining so much weight because the food was soooo good. seriously they spoil us.

life is good :]
(for now) and even if things happen. I've got an indescribable joy in me.

goodnight.

Day 36

Saturday July 28, 2012

Rise and Shine. no sleeping in this Sat because we are going to our service projects.
location: Skid Row, L.A. (contains the largest homeless population)

our team has to paint the walls inside this building. I didn't want to get paint on my clothes, so I came up with the genius idea of wearing a garbage bag.

but since no one else was wearing one...I kinda stuck out.  people were taking pictures with me like I was some sort of thing in a costume -.- and even worse they thought that they could paint on my garbage bag!

me (in my fashionable trash bag) and Nara

not cool man...but nonetheless it was a good idea because the bag saved my clothes many times. I know myself and how I am with paint. very dangerous.

Afterwards we went to literally the best green tea bingsoo place ever. I was sooooooooo happpyyyy.

and then when we came back there was a surprise for dinner.

so....I mentioned before that the key to my heart is food. and God has been showing His love for me with food here. I kid you not. for example. I wanted green tea bingsoo, and I ate the best one. wanted hamburgers and got one fresh off the grill (what are the chances that a school cafeteria would have an outdoor grill) and this time while we were watching the fish market video during lecture, I really really reallllyyyy wanted salmon rolls.

well it just so happens that one of the student's parents here owns a sushi restaurant. and they brought boxes and boxes of salmon rolls today for dinner.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! ^_______^ GOD IS SOOOOO GOOOOOOD!!!!

so many boxes of sushi!

after our feast. we presented our Nation Building projects. everyone did really well. especially since I didn't have to present. and my Mango Land idea was received quite well. it would be crazy one day if Mango Land would actually be built in Haiti....with God all things are possible.

after the Nation Building presentations. I try to get everyone to watch the movie Father of Lights. to be honest it's really out of my character to even try to organize something like this. first the dvd was sent to my house and so I had to ask my dad to ship it here. then I had to ask Cathy if we could watch it in the lecture room. and then I had to make an announcement about it. (aha it's not that much work but usually I wouldn't go out of the way for something like this)

but I really wanted people to watch it because I know that this movie would reveal something about the character of God. alot of times we have such a distorted view of the character of God. but I want people to know that He is good and I want us all to trust Him. not just with our minds but with our hearts.

at first I was kind of discouraged because in the beginning it was just me and Grace Han watching it. but I trusted God. He wouldn't have inspired me to go through all that otherwise. And so about 15min into the movie more and more people started coming in. in total there were probably around 12 people. but still I'm glad that 12 people were really touched by it.

after the movie was over. it was sooooooo good btw. especially the ending. Diana led us into prayer. and the prayer time was really powerful.

mehehehe I knew I could trust God. but I have even greater expectations. because I'm hoping that the rest of the students here and even the staff would watch it before we leave. and that truly we would be able to see that we are the children of a great and mighty God.

goodnight.

Day 35

Friday July 27th 2012

the day has arrived. we are to run 2 miles.
I made a commitment that I would not stop no matter what happens. keep running until I either finish or pass out.

puahaha I would have to say that I only keep about 20% of the commitments I make. (the number is actually probably lower) for example. I made a commitment to only eat icecream on fridays, except on thurs night when I saw that green tea icecream bar, I literally sprinted to it and pushed people out of the way for it.

and I have made many commitments before our 1 mile run to run without stopping. but aha....I stopped alot.

so how am I going to do 2miles even I can't even do 1......

I realized that yesterday I made a commitment to study, but I was like man....knowing me. I'll say I'll do it and then I won't even buy my textbooks.

today is the day though that I make a really difficult commitment and follow through.
before I ran I prayed that the Holy Spirit would run with me and encourage me.
so I ran and ran and ran. and then halfway at the one mile mark I was like ohhhh myyyyy.
as my calves were burning, lungs about to explode. I remembered how God has been with me all my life. And though I could never pay him back. I want to do something. to persevere and finish strong.
And so I kept running. And HS was encouraging me. and then kekekekekeke. I was like well I know that God knows all things, but sometimes Jesus gets surprised so I'm going to surprise Jesus. I mean he knows me pretty well by now and he probably thinks that I won't be able to finish 2miles without stopping, but I'm going to surprise him today! because Rebekah So is full of surprises.

and I kept running and running. and then before I knew it I was at the end.
for the first time in my life I ran 2 miles without stopping.
my time was 21 min and 13 seconds. ahahahahaha not very good. but hopefully God looks at the attitude more than my performance ability. so proud ^_____^

Things I learned today from the lectures:

Leadership is relationship. The most important thing as a leader is to build good relationships with those you are leading and I also suppose the other leaders around you. That's one of the things that I really learned from my short time as a leader and even back home. Having good relationships protects the unity of the group because you can get away with a lot more stuff puahahahaha. meaning there's less room for misunderstandings and if there is a conflict of some sort you can resolve it much quicker. plus there's also more room for honesty and you can be yourself. really build that trust and friendship with those around you.

A quote I really like that was mentioned by Dr. Ventrella: "God has saved us from something, for something"

I've really been learning for the past year that God not only has plans to bless me alone, but also to bless those around me. In the same way He blessed Abraham with the plans to bless all the nations.

Something I wrote last year (it's in the thoughts section of my blog titled: Don't Waste Your Life)
The best times in my life I would have to say were when I was there for someone else:  a family member, a friend, a complete stranger. Because when you see the impact you have, the value of your life increases. When you see lives being changed in front of your very eyes, you wonder, man what if I had never been born? Would this person be the same without me? It’s not really to puff up your ego, but during those hard times when you wish you had never been born, you remember that there is someone out there who is indeed very thankful that you were. 


I understand Apostle Paul when he said that he'd rather be in heaven but at the same time he wanted to be with the people. Whenever I get in a car or plane or etc. I never worry about dying because I know that my time here in this world is not finished yet, God has alot of people I still need to meet and I hope that we can be mutually encouraged.

Tonight in our family group we all went around and complimented each other. it took like 2 hours but it was worth it. mehehehe I recorded mine. I keep it foreverrrrrrr and listen to it when I need encouragement.

Let us finish this race together with the power of love.

goodnight.

Day 34

Thursday, July 26th 2012

Wow...GLDI is already coming to an end. I feel like I'm just getting used to the pace and getting to know everybody. ackkkk. but I'm kinda excited to go home and sleep in :)

Today's post is going to be kinda short. I just want to focus on Dr. Kim's testimony.

In a previous post I mentioned that I want to BAM! change the field of Pyschology, especially the way that people do counseling. aha I love how Dr. Kim's wife put it "it's a bunch of bs"
but in order to do that I need to have some credibility in this field. because honestly even though Psych is my major I know nothing about it except Sigmund Freud. and everybody knows about Freud.

the reason for this is that I hardly ever study. goes back to my middle school years when I was so sick of being the nerdy one in school and people copying my hw/tests that I made this act of being ditzy. unfortunately it kinda stuck to this day....but yes it's true I'm secretly really smart. so that's how I'm able to get through school. relying on natural intelligence and refined test taking skills. but I don't learn anything, I just know how to get good grades.

Dr. Kim's story broke my heart because he would walk 2 1/2 hours to his lectures and 2 1/2 back. not only that. he never missed a lecture. he had such a passion for learning. I, on the other hand, complain that I have to walk 10 min, have skipped so many lectures and during lectures I play phone games or doodle. He studies his butt off, one time he wrote this study guide: 200 pages per review question. total it was thousands of pages of his own notes. wow......................I get frustrated if I even have to write one page.

I'm doing this thing where I try to think of everything in a positive way. so Dr. Kim's story I hope instead of making me feel like crap. I want to remember it and be motivated everytime I don't want to study (well first I actually need to get the textbook for the class to study cause most times I don't ^^")

I really don't want to waste the gifts and talents that God has given me. And I'm thankful for Dr. Kim's testimony but I'm also thankful that I went through this period of lack of motivation because I know that my ambition to study is a holy ambition: honestly I don't care about my reputation (I actually didn't want people to think I was smart) or achievements. Also really smart people tend to be socially awkward, but I got to develop my social skills ^___^  God doesn't waste anything.

It's time to bust out my thinking cap and bring out the studious asian in me. so that the gospel may take over the field of Psychology. because only God can bring true healing and transformation from the inside out.

P.S. I broke the no icecream except on Fridays rule. they had green tea icecream and I literally jumped over couches and knocked people out the way for it. as my family group members were yelling at me not to give in. ah.....so much for commitment

but keep me accountable! and pray for me please. don't forget Rebekah. this is a commitment that you actually need to keep.

goodnight.

Stalking is okay in the daytime

[Interview with Dr. John C. Kim by his son Paul]

Dr. Kim: I followed her from a distance
Paul: That's a euphemism for stalking
Dr. Kim: It was daytime so it's okay

My precious butt

[Grace tries to smack Nara's butt]

Nara: Ahhh! my precious butt
it's only for my husband.

Day 33

mwhahaha I'm excited to post up the pics that we took today. so asiannnnnnn.
our family group has to make a year book page (i know we get a year book! i hope we sign it like we did in middle school: you rock. stay the same)

room 102 super cuties

my roomie Diana and me

mehehe I was tired so I was in the power walking group during morning exercise. but I hear that this week we have to run 2 miles!!!! I don't think I've ever ran more than a mile. 2 miles is going to take me 40min -.-

today we are fasting lunch. so I went a lil crazy during breakfast. still I was so hungry during lectures I was going to pass out. but Rev. Danny Han was so on point. he talked about how in the korean american church there is this generational tension between the 1st generation Koreans and the 2nd generation Koreans because 1st gen is all about sacrifice and hardwork while 2nd gen is about balance. he explained that because of this broken relationship the 2nd gen is missing out on the inheritance from the 1st gen. we have a lot to learn from each other and I hope that we'll be more respectable to our parents' gen.

he also shared with us his personal testimony of him reconciling with his father and how he was able to then receive love from Father God. I know I struggled with this so much growing up. I knew that God loved me in my mind but in my heart I never believed it. but if we don't believe with all our hearts that God loves us then we'll never be able to love ourselves, others, and God Himself.

God is so good. I just wish I knew more of how good He really is and I want us all to know.
I got the Father of Lights dvd sent to me here!! and I asked the staff if we could watch it in the lecture room on Sat night. hopefully people will be willing to watch it. and I hope this documentary reveals more of God's goodness and His character.

here's the trailer. watch it!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKpPVkHlDQU

after lectures we all rushed to dinner...and I guess I went a little too crazy cause I ate this giant hotdog, hamburger, fried rice, chili, and fries. wow.....

I had a mentoring session with Dr. Kim's wife (my grandma role model!!) and she talked for like 85% of the time while i ate. hehehe and she's such a bad influence, she convinced me to eat a cookie even though I'm not supposed eat desserts except on Fridays.

but her stories were so funny and cool. her life is truly a testimony of God's grace. and I want mine to be too. while I was talking to her I actually found out what I want to do! I don't know how but at least now I have an idea. I want to change how people do counseling. I feel like alot of psychological counseling is probably not helpful, and is a bunch of bs (especially all those medications etc.) No matter how good the counselor or therapy is: without the gospel, there cannot be any lasting, complete transformation. I want to change the field to include the One who can truly heal from the inside out. I want to be a healer. not just physically but emotionally, mentally, spiritually. everything.

aha i realize as I'm writing this. it's like deja vu because I think I wrote this on my other blog about Korea (120 days). wow...so this is why I wanted to study psychology. I totally forget. humans need to be reminded. but now that I am reminded (hopefully this time I will remember) I hope that I will pray more about this vision and work hard in school!

Dr. Os Guinness spoke for evening session. and as usual we did not understand most of it. but I did get one thing. He reminded us that humans are unique because they are made in God's image. this got me thinking again about psychology, because psychologist believe that humans are animals, but we believe that humans are unique from animals because we can have a relationship with God. this view could really change many theories, especially the ones that are based on research on animals.

oh ho ho ho i'm excited. Ms. Rebekah So the secret agent in the field of psychology. I'm going to blow it up and throw everything into chaos mwahahahaha. don't forget.

tonight!!! we got to have family group meeting at yogurt land. Cathy (staff) took us there and bought us all froyo. so niceeee ^__^ the staff here show the true meaning of servanthood. but yeahh we were asking her questions and she said that never in her life did she think that she would be serving for 12 years at GLDI. but she has learned to be faithful with the small things and that God can use anything.

and so whether it's cleaning the church bathrooms, buying the future leaders of the world froyo, writing a book or starting a revival. God sees our hearts in all that we do and He can multiply it. Let us be forever faithful to Him, serving Him with joyful and sincere hearts.

goodnight.

Day 32

Tuesday, July 24th 2012

This morning there was no running. instead we did this crazy hard workout, which I confess my participation level was probably 35% at best. but even with 35% participation level my thighs were burning.

one of the guys during morning exercise tore a ligament and had to go to the hospital. as I praying for him on my own (I didn't have the guts to pray for him directly) it really got me thinking about how powerless I felt. it's like we're supposed to the salt and light of this world. we're the ones who's supposed to go out and heal and raise people from the dead. we talk about how great God is, all the things He can do. etc...and yet we trust physicians and medicine more than we trust God's power and His love for us.

But I had a lot of peace. I remember a couple months ago I surrendered this thought to God. I admitted that I honestly don't believe. not that He can do it. I know He can, I don't deny any of the testimonies that I've heard. I just don't believe that He will. that He will do it for me, for someone I know.

I also realized that though signs, miracles, and wonders are great. Having a proven character is even more important. John the Baptist never did a miracle, yet Jesus considered him to have been the greatest man born of a woman. But at the same time I asked God, how do we expect to demonstrate that He is all-powerful and that the gospel is true without the backing of the Holy Spirit. why is it that the church today looks so different from the church in the book of Acts. even though technically we are all one.

I guess right now I need to keep seeking yet have patience. I'm sure when the time comes, God will reveal more. I thank Him for all the times that He has demonstrated His power and love, and for the times that He didn't I thank Him even more that I learned to love Him for who He is and not for what He can do for me.

Actually, He gave His one and only Son for me, so He doesn't need to do anything else. He could be completely justified in never answering a single prayer, but He lavishes His love and provisions on me.

yayyyyyyyyyy ^_______^ I'm the luckiest girl in the world. (or I should say. my life is a testimony of God's grace)

Dr. Os spoke again today. eh hehehe...he's so smart that if you don't pay attention for even one second, you'll get lost. I tried to pay attention, but I was really focused on my eagle drawing.

but I did get a lot of good quotes. mmm most notably.
"we should be in the world, but not of the world"

let that sink in....like slow sand.

I've been filled with so much joy lately still. I would think by now it would wear off or something. but it's here to stay! perhaps it has something to do with worship. these days I've really been delighting in worship. I skipped breakfast today cause I wanted to pray and worship. but God had by back. my friend Sarah gave me a bagel with cream cheese (my favorite! and I didn't even have to ask) and she also gave me soymilk (AHHHHH! I love soymilk ^___^).

and so many ridiculous moments today. during dinner my family group girls were being so hilarious. we were just cracking up like hyenas over the smallest things. one scenario: I was carefully holding a cup of hot tea (I drink tea now that I'm not allowed to eat dessert except on Fridays) and then I said something to Nara. and by instinct she smacked my arm. which made me spill tea everywhere and scream really loudly in the cafeteria.

crazy thing is that I screamed again during WORSHIP SERVICE -.- ahhh.......so humiliating.
I was all into the worship song (I usually sing so blahhh during worship but these days I'm loving it) so I was really into it and then the guy next to me. actually he wasn't even sitting close by. like literally we were sitting on opposite ends of the pew. but this guy like a ninja swooshes next to me and says something to me.

imagine this scenario. I'm worshiping arms raised, eyes closed. there's no one around me. and then all the sudden I hear a voice in my right ear. and then I look over and there is THIS FACE right next to my face.
and I scream so loudly. that almost everyone in front of me turns around and stares. and sees me hyperventilating...

ohmaigat....just want to crawl under my seat and disappear.
eh. but I got over it by the next song.

I vowed to pay attention to the next lecture, but I ended up doing a masterpiece doodle.
good quotes that caught my listening brain waves
"The Christian faith is unique in being world affirming and world denying at the same time."
"Church always goes forward by going back first" (back to the gospel)
"Success is the greatest danger and carries the seeds for failure"

things to chew on.

we ended the day with a great discussion session by our new leader Wuen. where none of us understood the lectures except the very intelligent Grace. so she explained everything to us.

Wuen and I were talking about leadership afterwards. And this is what I learned from my two weeks.
A quote from P.Kenny "I don't care whether you like me or not. I will love you"
as leaders we really can't try to please people or care too much what they think about us. our jobs are to serve them and love them. in addition I learned to have confidence in the skills that God has given me and honestly to just be myself and enjoy what I'm doing.

even with my relationship with God it took me the longest time to be myself with Him. as if I had to talk to Him in this holy spiritual language. and He could only hear and see me when I was praying or in church but He couldn't see the way I acted when I was hanging out with my friends.

of course there are things about myself that need to be pulled out and things that I need to shape. but there are things that make me delightfully me. I'm really funny I hear. and I hope so cause maybe God created me so that He could smile and laugh once in awhile. it must be quite stressful at times being God.

which is why tonight we danced like senior citizens to "Dancing in the moonlight" until Cathy (staff) walked by and told us to get some sleep.

goodnight :]

Day 31

ohhh the glorious Monday is here. waking up at 5:50am again
I actually tried medium-hard today during the running and workouts. cause workouts we did fighting moves (punches and kicks) mwahahaha I wanna be a street fighter.
but oh wow.....it was so ridiculous. a bunch of asians in a field early in the morning. shouting and punching the air. it looked like such a stereotypical asian fighting practice movie scene.

I really really liked today's lessons. morning session was about INTEGRITY. it's been such a huge theme of GLDI. because a leader without intergrity is asjgsaljgwajgajflkjfwifwu. impossibru!!
so many people's reputations, legacies, ministries are destroyed by even one wrong dishonest move. so we need to develop such a strong character because our actions flow out of our character.

Dr. Kim also talked about taking ownership. CONVICTION. so much conviction for me to take ownership of my campus. my campus belongs to God and it's mine too mwahahaha. for me to pray for Dr. Hrabowski (President) and my professors and my friends/classmates. Rebekah don't forget that today you made that commitment.

soooooo today Gloria and I weighed ourselves after lunch and we almost passed out when we saw the numbers. TT.TT I thought I was supposed to lose weight during GLDI but I gained weight.
Gloria made a strict diet for us (basically it's just no eating desserts except on Fridays) and also I have to eat salads for lunch in addition to my meal. aghhhhh rabbit food. I almost caved today during dinner cause they had german chocolate cake. but Gloria and Diana wouldn't let me....TT.TT oh first world problems.

but anyways speaking of world problems. Dr. Os Guinness spoke about standing fast in faith in the Global era. it was really good but towards the end I got really distracted because I wanted to draw an eagle. so I was really into my eagle drawing and not paying attention - though I'm still able to catch the important things.

after Dr. Os Guinness's lectures we are required to answer reflection questions. and as I was answering the reflection question on the challenges we face in this world. it HIT ME so hard. like BAM.

God has really been speaking to me about standing firm. and I had this feeling that something was going to happen on my campus in the fall. and then while I was typing out my answer to the question it became really clear. I got really nervous and excited about it at the same time.

There is an issue that will really divide those who are for Jesus and those who are against Jesus. During these times the pressure will become even greater - to stand firm in God's word or compromise to the secular view. we who stand firm will face "persecutions" (of course not nearly as severe as the Christians in other parts of the world) but nonetheless we will be attacked for our beliefs. but we must not be ashamed of the gospel.

I was getting nervous but God gave me alot of hope. He said that He will use this issue to uncover the struggles within the church and also to unite the believers. In addition, this is an opportunity to increase our faith and for us to finally be able show that we are willing to "die" to something (our reputations) for the sake of the gospel. He also told me to develop strong relationships and demonstrate His love - this will protect our relationships despite our differences in beliefs. in all this God is in control even though it seems like chaos and His name will be glorified!

I pray that God would have mercy on all those around me who are against Jesus. If what I believe is wrong and what they believe is right, I have nothing to lose. But if what I believe is true and what they believe is falsehood, then though they have nothing to begin with, what they do have they will lose.

Secondly I got so convicted to read the bible. I know it's something so simple but we don't do it enough! how am I supposed to be the light and salt of the world, to be able to interpret the times without reading the scriptures.  I like to think of myself as a battery. without charging myself with the Word, I have all the capacity but no power.

things are going down. be prepared.

goodnight.